And while the rest of the world talks about disaster relief and tsunami's, I talk about my record collection.

Sometimes the worst friend that a musician can have is the record comnpany. Like any business, a record company is there to make money from selling recordings. Therefore, in order to maximise profit, it makes sense to have available for purchase the product that is most desirable and most attractive to an established fanbase. This will therefore be the most worthwhile product from a fans point of view.

Therefore, it makes sense to issue product designed with the fan in the mind. What this does not mean, is cobbling together a inconsequential, non sequential, cash in compilation album made by whichever A&R man happens to be dumped in charge of a paricular back catalogue artist as a booby prize; normally an A&R man who wants to be seeing this job as a career and wants to be known as the person who found the next oasis, rather the person who was given the laborious task of compiling a "best of" album from a bunch of early 90's indie no-hopers signed as a tax loss who got dropped after 2 albums.

To take a few examples:-

1)repackage the existing "Tattooed Beat messiah" album by Zodiac Mindwarp, add ONE bonus song, totally rearrange the running order of the original album and call it "the best of", and delete the original.Congratulations - what you've just done is massacre the only product he did you have you can resell, and made an artistic turd.

2)Do a best of Pop Will Eat itself - call it "wise up! suckers!". take a photo from the cyberpunk movie blade runner and stick some cheap graphic designers idea of the much lauded and ultra-collectible art that the hyper-influential designers republic did for the band in the first place ; especially insulting when they designed over 100 T-Shirt designs and a highly recognisible iconography , and those designs which can easily be reused. Nope. Then take a non-chronological compilation using the original easily available album mixes (available for years), rather than those tracks issued only on CD in the early years and manufactured in ridiculously small small quantities - now being ludicrously rare, and if you ever find them, its a fucking miracle. So, why not put together a CD of rarities and unavailable but officially released tracks, such as the acoustic remix of "Mother" on a french only promo CD? Well, why not when you not simply compile a CD of stuff fans can find anytime they like in major high street shops and likely already own anyway, making it a redundant purchase that cheapens the entire back catalogue and a laughable, derisory attempt at flogging records the fans already own? in this case, the first the band heard of it was when I told them.

The less said about the Ned's Atomic Dustbin "Singles Collection" CD the better, really.This involved a roughly chronological running order starting with the second single - omitting the opening track of their opening EP and long time set opener, the classic "Aim", and then ignoring the US only A-side and their biggest US Radio track, not to mention fan favourite,"Grey Cell Green ", in favour of, duh, an incosequential album track. Then you ignore the single released in Europe "Walking through Syrup" in favour of its easily available B-Side (which had no radio play, wasn't an a-side, and wasn't played on MTV); It can be found on the budget priced b-sides album "522,The Rarities".Add in yet more album tracks. Then you ignore their traditional set closer and album closer for the last album and for their last gigs (at the time) with yet more album tracks no one actually liked. There's no incentive to buy this random grabbag containing roughly half of each album anyway - nothing that any fan of the band can't already purchase by picking up the three original albums up from HMV, which they probably already own anyway. Or does the record company really think that maybe stick some unavailable and rare material on there is too much to ask for?

There's a 3 track live french promo CD which has been unavailable for years and never bootlegged - not to mention US only live b-sides and live tracks unavailable excpet on a limited cd single 11 years before, which would have rounded up the compilation nicely and given the fans something they didnt already fucking own, as well as tidying up the few bits and piecesof the discography whose obscurity means hardly anyone has ever heard them - how many of you actually own the "Mark Goodier Sessions" CD release on Strange Fruit with the live BBC session version? How many of you own the "In a Field of their own" compilation with a live version of "Grey Cell Green" recorded at Glastonbury? When was the last time you ever saw these CD's? For some of these, I can't say I ever have.

And Don't even get me started on the Orb. That's gonna take up part 3 of this.

Take also the example of Carter USM. Anytime Any place Anywhere is another record company cash in, again comprising of tracks seemingly selected with by a random function on an iPod. There's again, nothing rare here. Nowhere does this compile up the loose odds and ends of the discography - it looks like the long lost live version of "A perfect day to drop the bomb" will never be compiled up again, or made available but be stalinised out of history. Similarly, with "Starry Eyed and Bollock Naked" already out there as a B-Sides compilation, it would take zero effort to simply compile up all the cover versions Carter USM recorded and to which the rights belong to EMI, into an album of rare and mostly unreleased material, none of it really available in over a decade, and bingo! something the fans might want to fucking buy!

Anyone remember Jesus Jones? Big in the early 90's. Huge #1 hit in "Right Here Right Now", and across the years they recorded some 33 b-sides for EMI. None of which are available. None of which can be found now except for Cd's out of print for over a decade, and if you find em...well, good luck finding them, coz they were almost impossible to find at the damn time, let alone now.So, wouldn't it make some sense just to stick 'em out? Guess not. EMI have no intention or inclination of ever releasing the tracks again. Nor will they let Mike Edwards sublicense the tracks out for release on another label. Quite simply, they have no inteion of releasing them,or letting anyone else release them. Therefore, it's a lose/lose situation for everyone; people can't buy the songs, and people want to buy them, the artist wants to buy them, and no one wins. And the songs are lost forever.

EMI in this case are turning out to be a particularly bad example to follow. With the exception of Marillion, whose back catalogue has been maintained with the help of long time fans and substantial archival work where each album has been reissued with a bonus disc of stuido demo's b-sides and live stuff, 90% of which is unreleased, to keep interest in the band fresh and so forth. Alas, what Marillion really need to do is tie up the loose ends collecting their live work, but whats what the front row club on their website does - selling various CD's from their own official website mixed down and approved for release with though i really doubt it will issue a proper live album of the Fugazi tour, such as what I had to compile lately with nero, a CD burner, and my own original copies of "Real to Reel"/"Brief Encounter"/"The thieving Magpie". As I own all the songs, I paid for them, I bought them, and I can listen to 'em anytime I like. So I will, and listen to 'em in a manner of my own choosing. I'm sticking them in an order which accurately reflects the shows of the era.

And I really do doubt that the live at loreley CD album will be released either - originally designed as part of a short lived and ill fated series whereby EMI artists would repackage their Live videos releases with a CD containing the soundtrack, which included such items as the aborted followup to Iron Maiden 's classic "Live After Death" in the form of the video release that was "Maiden England", originally intended for release on album but then cancelled - and even then, the marketing bods hacked out 2 tracks to make it fit on a single CD, leaving 7 minutes spare at the end, or enough for at least one of the missing songs at any rate. And the only live recording of Black Sabbath with long time singer (7 years) Tony Martin ? Again, only available in this sort of package. AS for Marillion's "Live at lorely" A CD which accurately portrays a single marillion gig for the first, and so far only time. Once again, how many people are going to own this? Or even find it? it's never been reissued, and there's no intention to reissue it : The recent DVD release included just the gig, and nothing more. I've only seen 1 copy in ten years - and I bought it on the spot for a ridiculous price of £18.



For example, it might not seem like much, but to do something that follows the example of this or this does mean a lot to the fans.

Another example for the appalling way the Marillion back catalogue has been treated is evident in the multitude of repackaged and ill sequenced ompilations that have sprung up throughout the years. With the exception of "Six of One, half a dozen of the other" - a sanctioned compilation and their first greatest hits in 1992, and "Best of both worlds", there have been a number of other compilations. Throwing together a random haphazard collection of tracks ; say for example, one half of a studio medley (That Time of Night) for one example, with a couple of hit singles and tracks any fan would already own already.And worse still, using a fuzzy publicity photo that looks like they've cut it out of a faded copy of Sounds magazine and done a colour photocopy - surely there is nothing a little thought might actually achieve. More info is here

No matter what you may think of their musical content, it's a sad fact that the Marillion has been treated with contempt by the record company. The only people to come out of this with any credit are Marillion themselves in terms of providing to the fans what they want, where the record coampnay cannot be bothered, in terms of packagaing, content and simply thinking things through and making it available to the fans.An example to follow. In terms of everything else though, the record comapny has show their actions to be artistically excerable, insulting to the fans, and could only possibly be more exploitative if they decided to simply produce a cd comprised of people making farting noises.

But who needs a bit of thought when you can throw it at the wall anyway, with no consideration to art or the fanbase, knowing you might pick up some casual listeners? thing is, if you make the product worth buying, people will buy it. It might take a little more investment, but what you will have is an example of how a little effort pays off greatly with a release that might make people actually reappraise the band and get some press coverage, as opposed to a CD which treats its fans with contempt and as nothing more than a cash cow - and decides to piss on the band's legacy, cheapening all the other product.

As for the rarities - the stuff the fans want? Well, no one's going to bother making these things available to the general public except for the record company. The Record company chooses not to make the product available in one easily compiled place - and it's only available on long deleted CD's that sold miniscule amounts even then, the majority of which are no longer circulating for sale. If you want to buy officially sanctioned product approved for release by the band at the time, you can't buy it now. Insane.

Now these things won't get a high chart position. We're not competing with the Libertines and Kasabian and Razorlight or anything the NME wants to cover and hype up into no.4 on the album chart. But what these CD's will have is legs. The fans may not read about in the NME, maybe because they don't read it anymore because the bands don't mean shit to them. They'll check the official websites for information, hear about it word of mouth, from a friend of a friend, the information will trickle out. What this means is the CD's will sell, and will sell steadily and on an ongoing basis. Sure, its not a high risk strategy, because the cost to recoup is practically ZERO - there's virtually no production costs for these sort of things, because all you need to do is find the original CD's and lift them wholesale, make up a cheap glass master, invest a little time in making some tasteful artwork and bingo, there you go. It's the same principle as simply bunging together yet another cheapo cash-in compilation album for a band you've now dropped to make a quick buck - only thing time, it's appealing not the casual purchaser who buys an 5.99 best of album on the fly in Woolworths, but it's appealing to the fanbase they spent years building up. Fans who still like the band, liked the band then, and wonder where all the tracks they had on 12" they can listen to again because they've now no longer got a vinyl deck.

All you need to is to give people what they want, and they will buy it.

It's all the music. Any fan gets intot he band because they love the music. So when there's music they haven't heard before, they want it. It's simple supply and demand - the fan wants to consume as much music of their favourite band as they can ; and especially if its music they haven't heard and don't already own. There's no incentive to purchasing music they already own, not in the slightest. They want new stuff, rare stuff, interesting stuff. And the record companies are in the ideal position to capitalise on this; by identifying a gap in the market, and exploiting it to maximise their revenue by releasing rarities and making them available to the fan.

Because if they don't, someone else will. (Part 3 tomorrow)

Some of you may have believed that the below post was true. It was indeed, intended as a spoof, albeit a relatively believable one with the mannerisms and vernacular , not to mention the intelligence level, of our world president.

There may have been a number of giveaways as to why you might detect it as a spoof.For example, the space based laser weapons system project ICARUS, was the macguffin in the last Bond film (the otherwise excerable Die another day), and in fact, i even lifted parts of villains speeches from pevious bond movies. And At least another two paragraphs were nicked wholesale from the gung ho kick alien ass speech in Independence Day. But thing is, if its that bad that i can excerpt hollywood jingoism into the pro-war presidents speeches, well it says a lot. He certainly seems to be a bit too eager for war sometimes.

So, what have I been up to? erm...not too much. Not getting much sleep. Being technical with audio editing programs. Specifically, nero. Nero is the reason why the four most listened to CD's in my player at the moment are:-

Depeche mode - Devotional live 1993 (2CD's 110 mins)
Marillion - live Fugazi Tour 1984 (2 CD's, 90 minutes)
Morrissey - live 1991-1995
Sepultura - live minneapolis 1993
Sepultura - live barcelona 1991

All very odd. But the odd thing is, you cna buy none of them in the shops. They are not bootlegs, but homemade cd's, made up from the b-sides of singles, various appearances and so forth. And all made courtesy of some fiddling around with the Nero CD burning program.

For example, take the first one.

Depeche Mode released a live album in 1993, entitled 'Songs Of Faith and Devotion live'. It was, in all honesty, a piss poor record of the tour they were currently promoting, because, unlike most tours where you play a selection of songs from your back catalogue and then release it as a record of yourselves in concert, this album was an editied down selection of the concert.They normally played up to 21 songs a night, and each night it was played in a rigid and mostly identical running order, with occasionally an extra song here and there if they were playing 2 or 3 shows at the same venue. Despite the rigid and strict running order, the songs were often vastly reworked and remixed into superior arrangements.

Of these 21 songs they played each night, the album featured less than half - only 10. The album was appaling sequenced - it replicated the exact same songs in the same running order as the studio album they were on tour to promote, but in versions which worked brilliantly in the running order of the show, but not as stand alone. For example, it started with a song 4 songs from the end of the main set.The beginning of side two closed the main set. The last track on the album? It was the one they started all the shows with. Ludicrous. And totally illplaced.

The band of course, stuck another 8 live songs out as b-sides to singles; which, with the exception of a couple of tracks,is all the stuff from their back catalogue they played on the tour. The correct running order, by the way, can be found on the Devotional DVD/VHS release and also online in a few places. Since that date, I stuck the tracks in order they played in the concert. On tape, using a dodgy lead to link up the VHS to a stereo and dub it. Hissy as hell, but it was right.

Then, I did it on tape from the CD singles, with clunking noises as the tape heads go down. Having to spend hours recreating an audio experience that the band spent hours disassembling and pulling apart from its natural shape , when all they needed to do was stick in all the right order in the first place rather than fragmenting it and ripping it to pieces.

Now, with nero 6, i can stick it all back together. The way it was played on stage, in the same order it was played on stage. This involves a lot of jiggery pokery, a bit of hard work and deduction. go to Nero, then (in Nero 6 at any rate) go to extras > Save tracks, and extract the relavent tracks from the appropriate CD's. Place them in the correct order (easiest when saving them, to open the file name with the track number).

Then What ihave to do is listen to the beginning and end of each track. Work out where the musc starts/stops , exactly down to the last frame. Like theres 24 frames per second in the movies, in a CD there's 74 frames per second In nero's extraction process.Then perform a cross fade with each track correspondingly. If neccessary, when performing a cross fade, you may need to perform an additional fade in or out on atrack to make the transition more smooth and less noticebale by adjusting the audio signal for the audience noise using a logirhythm.

It is, quite frankly, a bit anal, a bit sad, and a pain in the arse. Especially when the fact is, it was altered in the first place and what you're trying to do is restore it to its natural state.

This is also compounded by the factthat in nero, you cannot merge tracks together. If, say for example, the music itself begins 15 frames into a trakc (ie 1/6th of a second) what you have to do is cross fade it together in that miniscule period of time, creating an unnatural and uneven merge between the two, courtesy of a mastering engineer at the pressing plant. With a period of say 4 seconds, it becomes much easier and smoother, espeically if you have to do an additional fade to help made it smoother to reduce the volume of audience noise and so forth.

I'm all self taught, kids.

Anyway,A CD like this should take approxiamtely half an hour to load inthe tracks, what with fiddling around with the cd's from various sources - multiple cd singles, albums, etc. - and using a low reading speed (I use 16x as a maximum, to reduce data glitches and encoding errors caused by high speed reading). Similarly, the output should be the maximum quality available - no point ripping a track for this in mp3 format, because of the compression used. it's best to use a format called .WAV, which is lossless compression which duplicates the fil pretty much identically at the exact same file size.

Depending on the amount of work that needs to be done - ie the number of cross fades (with 20 tracks, it could be up to 36 crossfades - one at the beginning of each track and one at the end - plus 4 additional fade in/outs at the beginning and end of each appropriate disc) - plus adjusting the cross fades and calculating it, can take up to an additional 90 minutes. Then you burn the disc and find out if its worked, or not - and if it needs doing again.And if so, where.

I've done this for 6 CD's worth of material in two days. My favourite has to be the marillion one - they released a live Ep off the tour, then a couple of tracks on a US only 12" (later on CD) and then a few tracks on another official live album. Either way, the result was that they released a full 90 minute live show on CD from very early on in their career - the 2nd of their 20 odd albums, only 2 years after signing to a major label, full of classic era live material; byu comparison, think of U2 on the october tour playing club shows. They didnt release another album of live material until 3 years later when they were touring stadiums - by comparison to U2, this would be the joshua tree era. So doing stuff this is an absolute godsend to a fan.

And thats why I like making my own CD's. Record companies treat the punter like shit. Bung two live tracks on a 12" as an incentive, a money making cash cow to put the A-side in the charts. the fans? They treat it like art. the fans get out of it the pleasur,e the appreciciation. the record company? they get a chart position.

This is why a fan is the best archivist a band can ever have. Because quite frankly, they do give a shit to doing the job properly.

But its bedtime, so there's gonna part two of this rant tomorrow. Nighty night!

Breaking News:- GEORGE W. BUSH DECLARES 'WAR AGAINST NATURE'



George W. Bush took an aggressive stance against the 'axis of nature' which resulted in the death of 22,000 people in an earthquake in Late December.

"For too long", George W. Bush said in his speech yesterday, "We have battled the vagaries of nature, uncertain of man's path in the world. As I have said before, We have been charged with a great mission, to make the world a safer place for all mankind. We are not only locked in a war against the threats from man, but against the very threats against all men.

It is therefore our calling, to ensure the safety of our people and all the people of this world. The only way to do that is to start with the world itself."

Standing staunchly at the podium, The President continued.

"On September 11th In America learned that life is fragile and precious. The rest of the world knows this as a result of the catastrophe in Asia that has claimed 22,000 lives. But AS my father once said, the American way of life is not negotiable. Similarly, The human way of life is not negotiable.

"We must stand firm and resolute and give the planet a message - A message from all of Mankind."Mankind." That word should have new meaning for all of us today. We can't be consumed by our petty differences anymore. We will be united in our common interests.

"It is therefore, now, that I must say, that We in America will not be ignore this challenge. Nor have we. In conjunction with my Scientific advisors, We have anticipated the threat to mankind and commissioned we we in texas call, Operation Saviour. Using technology developed by our predecessors, we will use this not for Star Wars, but for Earth Wars.

In orbit above the planet, we have made a commitment to doing our best to ensure mankinds survival - with an ongoing committment to maintaining our planets enviroment at its optimum for mankind as a species. In 1996, our scientific advisors presented a paper with a proposal whereby we, mankind, could be the controllers of our own destiny , and be able to ensure a disaster of such proportions never happens again, and since that day we have been working towards making this planet more safe for our day to day survival. As I speak, I wish to announce to makind the instrument of our survival, project ICARUS.



Project ICARUS is a space based laser system that will allow to ensure our survival, by allowing us to prevent such disasters before they happen with pinpoint accuracy and surgical precision. It is a machine of great power, and with great power comes great responsibility. And there is No greater responsibility that ensuring the safety of mankind.



It is however, a costly project, and in order to support this, my advisors have allowed us to proceed with this in a way that will maintain our commitment to low taxes and budgetary conisderations. I wish to announce that, in conjunction with the UN, we have reached an agreement that will keep the cost of this project equal amongst all of us that it protects - that each country in this nation will hence forth pay 10% of their annual Gross income towards ensuring the safety and security of not just their own people and their own nation, but of all people and all nations of the world. As President Jefferson once said, Freedom and The security of the free world is never free.

Let us make no mistake - this act of Nature was a blatant attack on our race, our freedoms, and our liberties. We will not surrender, and we will not cave in. This was no more act of Nature, but an act of war. Let us state then, as much as we have made int world a a safer place with our mission accomplished in our war on terror, also will we make the world a safer place to live in our war on nature. Man should not live in fear from threats both within and without, and with this declaration of war against mankind as a species, thus we will rise to the challenge and ensure our survival.

My friends, some have been critical because of our enviromental policy. When the enviroment has been as hostile as recently, and has attacked us, we cannot allow ourselves to go soft on nature, and give the planet the message that to murder our fellow citizens and declare war on mankind. This time, we have paid for the party with our dearest blood - that of our fellow man - and it is our time to accept the mantle of responsibility and not shirk our obligations to all mankind.

I have co-operated with our allies against the axis of evil, and they have heartily concurred and agree that it is simply a matter of human survival that is paramount in the hearts and minds of our people. With the will of the people and God's will, we will begin to strike firm with our pre-emptive agenda that means will will allow no man, woman or child on this planet to be under threat from such acts of nature, such as the tragedy which claimed 22,000 lives in the Asian Basin.

We are fighting for our right to live. To exist. And should we win the day, this day will no longer be known as an Christian holiday, but as the day the world declared in one voice: "We will not go quietly into the night! We will not vanish without a fight!" We're going to live on! We're going to survive!! Let us celebrate this day as our Independence Day!"

God Bless mankind, and God Bless America. Goodnight."

Yesterday, an undersea earthquake in the Indian ocean caused a tidal wave over 30 feet high, maybe even tens of metres high travelling at speeds of possibly up to 150 mph (if the 1946 Tsunami on hawaii is anything to go by). The tidal wave crashed into coastline, beaches, cities, everything in its path, destroying and devastating thousands of miles of coastline, homes, villages - everything in its wake. As the water hit ground, it would speed up due to the shallow depth and then...it hits.

The beaches of Delhi were packed with sunbathers at the height of summer. Tens of thousands of people.When a wave of water that hit hits at speed, it's like being hit by a brick wall - the human body isnt designed to withstand such forces. It'll sweep up people and hurl them at speed into whatever was in its way - slamming people into buildings made of concrete at dozens of miles an hour. As the wave slowed down miles inland, it then would retreat back into the ocean, its kinetic energy dragging back people in the water who - if they've survived without air and survived the shock of impact for this long - are then dragged back underwater by the current to drown.

It's horrific. While the news concentrates on property damage and swept up cars, it fails to mention what exactly would happen to the people on the ground when the wave hits. I guess people don't want to think about it.

I expect George W. Bush tom pledge a minimal amount of relief effort. The US has in fact, to my knowledge, made no announcement whatsoever, and has not pledged to help this natural disaster in any way. When the US a calamity on September 11th 2001, the world rallied around the US and send Aid and condolences. When the World suffers a calamity, the US politely ignores it and does nothing. Funny how the US seems to act sometimes

Relatively un-noticed is the fact that the Tsunami appears to have claimed it's first celebrity casualty - martial arts movie star jet Li, who commands $5 million a film, having appeared in lethal Weapon 4, Hero, The One and rapsloitation movies such as Romeo Must Die, Cradle 2 the grave, as well as being famous for turning down roles in the Matrix Reloaded/Revolutions and Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. He's currently on the missing list, as he was holidaying in the maldive islands with his wife and kids, as reported here

Somehow, The Day After Tomorrow doesn;t seem so far fetched all of a sudden.And for some reason, i'm reminded of the words from Koyaanisqatsi.


"If we dig precious things from the land, we will invite disaster. Near the Day of Purification, there will be cobwebs spun back and forth in the sky. A container of ashes might one day be thrown from the sky, which could burn the land and boil the oceans."





UPDATE 21.19 GMT 27/12/04:
Jet Li is no longer on the missing list: he and his family survived the tsunami, and are safe.

There's a friend of mine whose blog I read and mostly, its where I nick quizzes from.

It's not gone unnoticed. In an IM message earlier from them , I read...."I've done some more quizzes you can nick!"

I'd hate to disappoint, so here's one of them.I also did the which Johnny Depp Character are you? quiz, but as i wasn't Captain Sparrow, I'm sulking. So there, mnerr.


How sensitive are you?

Oh, merry christmas, ho ho ho.

I didn't get drunk. I got pissed, but I didn't get drunk.

Again I couldn't sleep. If i was a superhero, I'd be Insomnia boy. Until late, I am awake, unable to sleep. When I awake, it's light outside and my head feels like a herd of rampaging elephants.I do it myself i really do.

Looking over the past few days posts, this is all a bit self-obsessive depressive KING OF PAIN! schtick, so Im gonna try documenting the day instead. Rather than making you run off to the Prozac. It looks like di had a good day anyway, judging by the pic here -

Phone Call at 11 o'clock. Roll over and go back to sleep. Bed, you are soooo warm. Please make me never leave you.

Phone Call at 12 o'clock. It is brother. "We'll be there in about 10 minutes". get out of bed, get dressed and stuff. They spend a few minutes getting lost in the suburbs of Longbridge, whilst I write Christmas cards. It's what i do. They eventually find me (my directions were less than great, in all honesty), and then he gives me a TV for Christmas (no arial, but I'll have some fun setting that up), and then all in the back of the car. me, Mark (my brother), Ellen (my brother's other half, who is currently bearing a mini-mark+ellen in her tummy), I get to meet Sharon , Mark's wife for the first time; well, I think it's the first time, I don't think I've met her before. It's such a cliche to use the word lovely to describe her, but she is. Bless.

In the car and off to my dad's. I don't see my dad much, and there is a reason why.There seems to be an awful lot of hatred for him here; its not really hatred, as much as a dislike for how he treats me and talks down to me.

Apparently what one of my ex's says about my dad is "Expect nothing, and you won't be disappointed" - and she isn't wrong. She was the Ex who was there when My dad said he'd pay for the first months rent and for the deposit as a helping hand for when she and I moved in together and I moved out from the familial home for the first time, and that morning my dad disappeared off the face of the planet and stopped answering phone calls, meaning we had to go to the bank and arrange an impromptu loan on the spot in order to be able to make it to the letting office on time. Anyway, thats another story.

I was sat in the car, frantically typing text messages to the escue party before we got there - "Calling International Rescue. help! help! Please come and rescue us". The messages increased in their frentic pace until the arrival of the cavalry about three hours later.

Anyway, get to my dads, and it's a shock to see him. For a start, he's got the sort of ponytail that Status Quo have got which for a 62 year old man, isn't really what I'd hoped to see. He used to tell me to cut my hair, about 10 years ago, now his hair is longer than it was for most of my teenage rebellion years. Thing is, I was closer to 16 than 62, but thats a moot point. It looks silly, but the overall effect might not have been helped by the Santa hat and the pigtails.Later, looking over the baby pix, I discovered that at the age i am now, my dad looked like Michael Schenker when he was in the Scorpions. It was the early 70's,but I was oddly thinking to myself that I was sure I owned some prog-rock records made by that guy.

p.s. thats my dad on the right. honest. (And Yes, i know its Matthais Jabs, but i don't care.)

As mark points out, it being christmas, it's time for the traditional christmas argument. For too long i've always just sat meekly there, too polite to say a word when he tries to tell me how to live my life.I know he cares, he wants the best for me, but that normally translates as him giving advice. him giving advice normally means I sit there whilst he derides everything ive ever done, and tells me what i should be doing instead, and he wonders why im not in touch much. In the end I have to turn around and speak to him. Unlike last year, he's doing the lecturing of Graham in the company of others - in this case, my brother, his girlfriend Ellen (meeting for the first time), and my dad's girlfriend Jan. Last year he just tried it in front of my wife and whatever words I said to him (whilst he was watching King Solomons Mines or Richard Chamberlain and the big hole in the ground of doom or something) seemed to be completely different to the what he heard.

The year was slightly different.

When he started off on his You've-got-so-much-potential-youre-wasting-your-life spiel, I had to say something. So i Did. I told him something along the lines of the following. "I didn't come here dad, to be told off and put down, and to be told how badly I'm living my life. Thing is, dad, nothing I ever do is ever good enough for you, ever. You always tell me about how I disappoint you and about where I'm going wrong. I don't agree with the things you do sometimes, but do I sit there and tell you how to live your life? I'll never be good enough for you.Every time I come here you talk down to me like I'm a five year kid again."

At this point I'm in tears. My dad looks hurt and upset.I don't think he understood just how he can cut down his own son who he loves so much his son is intimidated by him and his cutting, nasty words. I've had a shit year and the last thing anyone needs to be told where you've fucked up, especially when you already know it and don't want to be treated like a kid.At the end, someone's impression of my father having never met him before is that of a man who wants to be liked and wants to get on with his kids, yet doesn't have a clue how to do so.

His first reaction? He lights up. Pretty much his first reaction to any crisis, and the first thing he does in front of his unborn grandson? Take a drag like the drug addict he is. The whole place smells llike death, and by the time we leave we smell like we've been sat in a bath full of smoke soaking for hours just to get that particular smell of a working mans club for the sheer sophisication of it. As i said before, it gets bad when the schoolteachers pull you to one side and ask you if you are smoking. Well, just a few hours there, and someone is wondering if we're gonna end up stinking out the other houses we go to. Mark asks him not to, simply because of the unborn.

We sit down to dinner. Lee (aka Kevin) sits next to me, quiet as a bell in his Fred perry top and immaculate hair and pencil thin tache. His room is an endless string of posters of cars and RnB records. Not my choice. He strikes me as the kind of person who, whilsthe might be alright, will never be any person I have anything in common with. Espeically not once I've been told he often has up to five girls on the go at the same time. I'm astounded why, because it didn't appear to be due to social skills. mind you, as he spoke maybe five words in the hour of eating dinner, it would be difficult to judge that. But anyone who likes the latest massive RnB joints (not songs, but joints!) and considers Max Power a work of literary genius, is maybe not goign to have much in common with me.

My dad later laments the endless string of heavy metal coming out of our bedrooms during the teenage years.

My dad sits and regales us with the baby stories. Like my twin brother,I was born 9 weeks early. I weighed just over 2lbs, Mark weighed just over 3lbs. It was 50/50 if either of us were going to live.Apparently, after 2 days they turned off the motion sensors on the incubator, because they were going on off every five or 6 minutes regularly. Apparently my crowning achievement was doing handstands at the age of 2 days, and then defecating on the ceiling of the incubator. I didn't know that I was ever as dextrous as that,let alone that shit had such adhesive qualities....

Then off to the other room. more conversation. After the baby stories come the inevitable 'must bond with my sons by finding some common ground' part of the day, which invovles a conversation neither of us know anything about, and care even less. This is the 'male bonding' part of the day. Todays topic of choice: points on your license and parking tickets. Going the wrong way down a wrong way street in gloucester,over zealous police officers, and so forth. Thing is, neither of his sons know how to drive,nor own a car, let alone ever had a parking ticket, lest alone had one overturned.Perhaps he should have talked about something else instead,but the advnatage of this is, at least its not talking about rugby, and that alone is a good thing.

There's more frantic text messages to the cavalry. Someone out there is doing their best impression of the fast and Furious on the way to rescue us, whilst getting irratating text messages every 15 minutes. In the meantime, Im wondering about the oxygen content of the atmosphere courtesy of the amount of smoke in the room, and how long-term oxygen deprivation courtesy of smoking will affect intelligence......

The cavalry arrives. After another half hour of being talked at, we leave.Back to mine, where we watch Robbie Williams live DVD's and coumentaries, I feed cats and do the washing up, and Ellen naps. Mark briefly contemplates kidnapping Spike, who would be the world's softest cat if he didnt move everytime i wanted to use him as a pillow. Spike is dopey, adorable, and he eats alot, yawns a lot, and sleeps a lot. Bless him, he's marks favourite english cat, and they only met for an hour and a half.

Then off to see Mark Richards (see paragraph one), who is over at his parents. Mark's known my brother since they were eleven, even being born on the same day.Mark's parents have always been lovely, and his mum insists on feeding us chocolate and sweets and being a genial host, while the worlds most exuberant puppy (yet also the softest), called Mack, bounces around in an adorably cute manner.

Back to mine, where me and giles fix a new CD burner to my PC (takes a couple of hours), and then he's off. I sit online for a while, writing, and installing programs and then its off to bed. I get up late, as always, and burn CD's. I havent watched any Xmas telly yet. Boxing day is spent making cds by adjusting audio properties, crossfades and so forth, being sat on the PC. Until tomorrow....

Well I got slightly excited at the news that Busted (4 #1 singles this year, 11 sold out nights at wembley arena) might well be breaking a few teenage girls hearts soon.

Charlie Simpson, apparently, between performances at Wembley Arena, last Saturday (ie Dec 18th 2004), allegedly told the rest of the band he was to announce his departure
live on stage, citing the idea of 'going out on top of their game' as his primary reason.

The fact that he wants to ceoncentrate on his serious project, Fightstar is apparrently the reason. Fightstar are simplier indier than thou, all the way with an independent label and their website touts that they are using the same producer as such radical alternative bands as yourcodenameis:MILO and Oceansize .

Both those bands have been brought to us mainly by such press attention in the web as the indier than thous alternative-as-fuck bastion of self proclaimed cutting edge webfanzine dom that are the indie ghetto sell-outs www.drownedinsound.com.

Hmmm...sounds like someone is gonna break some hearts again, when not playing out their 'credible' rock dreams to sold out pubs full of the very few Busted fans that are over 18.... boo hoo. So much for being alternative though, eh?

Quick guide to blogging for those who, like me, really want to say loads, but can;t muster up any energy.

QUIZ#1:-

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Graham
2. Reed
3. And according to an ex in the middle of an argument, Shithead.....

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1. Grahambreed
2. grahambreed_uk
3. Brilliant_Creature (long dead, coz i kept being mistaken for a girl. It's a Marc Almond song, by the way)

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. Erm ...
2. Er...
3. and....thats it, i think.

THREE THINGS YOU HATE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. My phyisque
2. My hair
3. Myself


THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. English (unknown, though possibly US - my dad was adopted)
2. English (go back on my moms side about a hundred years to find france though)
3. Unlike Zaphod Beeblebrox and Ford Prefect, I only had two parents

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. Spiders and anything with more legs than corners
2. Shellfish, Lobsters, Crabs and so forth.
3. Strange People on buses

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. Music
2. Mental stimulation - books, movies, media, online
3. Food

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. T-Shirt
2. Trousers
3. Hoody

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS/ARTISTS (at the moment):
1. Depeche Mode
2. Metallica
3. Philip Glass

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS AT PRESENT:
1. Depeche Mode - In Your Room (Butch Vig mix)
2. Tindersticks - Travelling Light
3. Metallica - St. Anger

THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS:
1. Go to a town I've never been before and discover it anew
2. Get a place of my own
3. Get the feeling of someone who actually likes me for who i am, not what i can do for them, not being the walking wallet

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP (love is a given):
1.The abilty to lose myself and feel safe in someone else's arms
2. That pizazz wow am i really with this person? feeling after 12 months
3.Honesty, truthfulness and openness

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE*
1. I own too many CD's and DVD's
2. I love reading
3. I Steal Gideon Bibles from hotel Rooms as a hobby*

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX (or same) THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. Eyes
2. The way they smile...
3. The way they walk...

THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO:
1. Eat Fish or Lobsters
2. Put on a brave face when the world is full of shit
3. Pretend to be something I'm not for the sake of an easy life

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. Daydreaming
2. Writing
3. Seeing friends and people I miss

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. To have a hug
2. To have a pair of arms wrap themselves around me
3. Sleep?

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
1. Professional Dreamed (like nigel tufnell)
2. Teacher
3. God of Metal

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. Barcelona - beautiful Architecture
2. America
3. Canada

THREE KID'S NAMES
1. James (or Jaymz, if he wantz to be a Metallikid)
2. Helen
3. William Xavier Robert. (Or Bill. Z Bob. Beelzebub...Satan? geddit? Oh, fuhgeddabahdit. Bah!)

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. Write a book
2. meet someone who accepts me for who i truly am
3. Live forever



QUIZ#2:-

The A to Z of me.
A is for age:31
B is for boyfriend: nope, been one a couple of times though.
C is for career: I'm doing a Michael Portillo - ie Minister without Porfolio : Unemployed (currently).
D is for dad's name: Michael
E is for essential item to bring on an airplane: Parachute
F is for favorite song at the moment: Dead Can Dance - Host Of Serpahim
G is for girlfriend: What is this girlfriend you speak of? I don't have one...
H is for hometown: Birmingham England
I is for instruments you play(ed): Bass. Less strings = easier!
J is for jam or jelly you like: Barley Sugars.
K is for kids: Maybe one day, but cute and adorable
L is for living arrangements: alone with friends
M is for megalomaniacal: Only in my Dr. Evil moments
N is for name of your best friend: Giles
O is for overnight hospital stays: A couple...wrong time, wrong place, wrong muggers.
P is for phobia[s]: Anything with more legs than corners.
Q is for quote you like: "beware of false prophets that will come and perform miracles and will deceive even the elect. Beware of this, I have told you of it before it's time" (Mark 13:18-21)
R is for relationship that lasted the longest: 3 years
S is for sexual position: Whatever I feel like at the time. Side by side probably?
T is for time you wake up: 2pm
U is for unique trait: The ability to be incredibly annoying and wierd.
V is for vegetable you love: I don't do vegetables
W is for worst habit: Biting my nails and snot excavation
X is for x-rays you've had: lost track. Dental, mainly.
Y is for yummy food you make: Chicken burger sandwiches, with cheese and mayonnaise
Z is for zodiac sign: Cancer




chucky

What Slasher Movie Killer Are You?

And I though I was gonna be the guy out of Texas Chainsaw after all, blee.

By the way, Merry Christmas, I will write more about it shortly.....
P.S.By the way, Swiss, here's the code you requested:-
B4 d- t k s u-- f+ i o++ x+ e+ l+ c+

Pretty good couple of days.

Yesterday, The 23rd involved going up town. Pretty good day, Actually, in the most part. Macdonalds, wandering round, meeting my mate Nic and she went to get jeans and i wandered around, chatting shit, and then went off to See Blade: Trinity. Now, Blade:Trinity is dumb, daft and fun.Especially compared to the darkness of the first two, it didnt feel so much comic book as cartoony, which for a R (or in the UK, 15) rated action/horror movie, is bad.Especially as the first two were 18, this is just a pure blast, but not a patch on the first two. Still, Blade kicks Ass in this movie, though he is less savage than in the first two, still there ya go. I was saying how sometimes all i want out of a movie is shit blowing up for no apparent reason, and if thats the case, then this is a movie that shouldn't disappoint too much.

Anyway, then i came home, sat on the interslice, felt rubbish, nose all bunged up, with a headache, my teeth hurting like I wasnt wearing that mouthguard when I met Jake La Motta, my stomach playing up because drinking pure orange juice always has a laxative effect, but not enough to get it out of your system, but just enough to upset your stomach and warn you of the disaster that's a few hours away.

And thats why i lay in bed, unable to sleep, despite being tired as hell and in the head pounding cant sleep dont want to stay awake in pain feeling before taking too many painkillers and losing consciousness.This was about 6 in the morning.

Next thing I know its 2PM, the 24th. Rush out to shops on Xmas Eve. Everywhere is closed and whatever places are still open are packed. Even poundland is overflowing, and Sainsburys. I don't know what the rush is. I mean, the shops are only going to be shut for a day, maybe two at tops - how many of us get through £70 of snacks in the average day then? Either way, I come home, I switch the PC on, and here i am still.

Sometimes I wonder how different the world would be if Christmas had never been invented.

Sometimes I wonder how different the annual consumption of oil, balance of imports/exports and so forth would look like without christmas. Would there be the same level of consumer debt? Would there be the same amount owed on credit cards if once a year, we didn't buy people (mostly tacky and useless) presents. Not to mention a whole load of xmas cards given to people you might never see again, or might never get a card from again - because Every Christmas, there will be up to one billion christmas cards thrown away in the Uk.

With a population of 60 million, that works out at roughly, 17 cards per person.This year, I'll be lucky if I get 3 or 4, and two of those are immediate blood relatives. Which means pretty much everyone I knew last year, except maybe one or two, will have struck me off their christmas card list this year, has left me behind and now I am nothing. Left for dead, abandoned, boo hoo. Ok, so thats a bit over the top, but somehow, i dont think I'm ever going to win the popularity stakes. Ever since I was a nerdy, insecure, geeky teenage with bad hair and glasses and not many friends, not much has changed except my age and my waistline.

God, I am in a happy mood aren't i? Oh yes, I am.

Either way, Merry christmas, ho fuckin ho and all that.

Christmas is not a time of year to be single. Not a time of year to be miserable and alone.Last year I was with someone special, well, she was special to me. At the time. She put a downer on chirstmas, playing mind games and manipulating that situation.This year, shes not here with me anymore, thank god. I've no place in my life for people like that, people who use, and manipulate, and treat you like a toy because they can.I'd far rather be with someone who is honest and well adjusted than someone cruel and manipulative.

Still, wonder why I have no reason to celebrate christmas? Look at it like this. I am homeless, jobless and very very single. Emotionally I'm in a very dark place - I've lost everything. You expect me to be happy?

You expect me to sit down at a dinner table and play happy families? Like fuck. I've had enough of pretending, of lying to other people, pretending im alright and plastering it on. It's stressful. This year I lost my home, my wife, my job. Of course, everything allfucking right isn't it? This is why i hate christmas. the empty meaningless charade. A family meal where the family no longer exists. It's fake. I've had enough of fake people in my life.

Thats why tomorrow, when I supposed to sit down for a family meal, I don't want to be there. It'll be empty and false. My dad will sit at the head of the table, smile and think he's funny, making puerile jokes and playing Now thats what I call christmas and all that crap. I got no truck with it. I've outgrown christmas and I've outgrown being talked down to like a five year old, while he sits there and tells me whats best in my life and how what I really should be doing is saving up and getting a mortgage, and all the things he thinks are best for me.

Never for a second did he wonder about what i thought might be best for me. Never once did he ever show any interest in letting his own son decide his own Fate - all along he just says how I should be doing this and that. What he should be doing, is not blithely ignoring whatever the hell i want. What he should be doing is realising that all parents seem to bestow their ambitions on the children, and all the children end up feeling is stifled and suffocated by it.

Fact is, Im not ever going to live out his ambitions, as parents often do with their children. For example, My dad once told me I'd make a great scrum half, oblivious to the fact i really didnt give a fucking shit about rugby. Maybe he said that because at the age of 44 he could not longer ever make it to his beloved rugby team, and at the age of 13 i still might. I've had enough of that. And he wonders why I dont want to see him....might it becasue in his eyes, I'm still that 13 year old who will make him proud?

Last night was kind of odd though. I was talking to someone, and was asked -"Do you ever miss your wife?". it struck me as an odd question. But honestly, I had to answer.

"I don't miss her. I don't miss the way she is now. I missed the person she WAS, but not the person she is. The person she was, that person is gone - the person she is now I don't know, is a stranger. I don't miss her, because the woman I married is no longer there. She changed and turned into someone else, and that person is a stranger to me? Why would I miss a stranger I hardly know?"

So there ya go. I'm glad not to be with. I'm glad to be without her, to be free of her manipulative behaviour, of the religious persecution and proseltyizing, the endless visits from the missionaries, the visit from the bishop telling me. I'm glad not to have to spend christmas being fake and flase and happy clappy and all pretend. Fuck that shit. I've had enough of hiding behind a flase mask. You get what you see, I'm not going to hide and fake and I'm not going to have truck with anyone who does. The best christmas present I could ever have is getting on with the rest of my life in the best way i can, and putting such people behind me. And thats a path I started on a while back, and that's all there is to it.

On that note, goodnight and Merry Christmas.

I'm looking at the hit counter and it just hit 3500.So in tribute of that, Here's the bored and lazy way to blog - some quizzes n stuff.








Another update shortly; it's that, well, before you can read it.... I just need to write it !

It comes to something you stop doing online quizzes coz i dont like the results. Here's the ones i do like.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Which flock do you follow?

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KoRn are something quite special. Although partially in the mainstream and shown on Kerrang from time to time, they manage to keep their discretion. They are not recognised forwho they are, which in my opinion makes it all
the better. Their latest album,"Untouchables" proves that this group, even when mixed with a bit of fame, can still stay as themselves and not ruin their
music.
What modern metal band are you?

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Take the quiz: "The MOOD quiz! (With cool blinkies!)"

Sleepy
zzzz..zzz..zz. Yep, that's you all of the time. It's not your fault! You're just tired all of the time.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You are 87% Cancer

How much do you match your zodiac sign?

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The Scottish selkie was a being who appeared to bea seal, but had the ability to shed their skin and roam the land in human form. If a human were to happen upon the discarded seal skin, he or she could hide it and force the selkie
to marry him or her. However, if the selkie were to ever find the skin, he or she would immediately reassume seal form and return to the sea from whence they came, leaving their spouse and offspring on land to forever mourn their loss.

As a selkie, you are a very withdrawn, secretive and somewhat sad person, and those around you find you alluring and mystifying. People who come into your life find it difficult to find the inner you. You are also curious, but you
enjoy the comforts of home most of all.


Who is your inner Shapeshifter?
brought to you by Quizilla

My Lasts:
Last Cigarette: never - straightedge!
Last Kiss: like Star Wars, It was a long time ago in a galaxy far far away
Last Cry: A few weeks ago
Last Library Book Checked Out: So What? - The metallica book, and Kurt Cobain journals
Last Movie Seen In a Theatre: the incredibles
Last Book Read: Aftermath of Empire by Emmanuel Todd
Last Beverage Drank: orange squash
Last Food Consumed: Dry Roasted peanuts
Last Phone Call: My brother, probably
Last TV Show Watched: Spaced
Last Time Showered: About 10 minutes ago
Last Shoes Worn: Trainers
Last Song Played: A - Five in the Morning.Which was when I went to bed.
Last Soda Drank: Tesco's Cherry cola. yum.
Last Thing Written: Xmas card
Last Key Used: delete!
Last Words Spoken: 'shut up alarm clock,im already up! grr!;'
Last Sleep: This morning 7.30am to 11am - Insomnia ahoy!
Last IM: probably who i nicked this off!
Last Ice Cream Eaten: Any.
Last Time Wanting to Die: "all i wanna do is live, no matter how miserable it is" - Manic Street preachers
Last Lipstick: Not my own,I dont have any
Last Time Dancing: Ever seen me dance?
Last Big Car Ride: Last night to the all night supermarket with my mate Giles
Last thing you smelled: myself, I was getting out of the bath
Last Annoyance: Myself
Last Disappointment: Waking up alone, again, as always
Last Shirt Worn: pitchshifter
Last Web Site Visited: blogger
Last person that made your heart skip a beat: I'd like to think they know who they are, maybe i nicked this off 'em! :-P
Last movie you watched: The incredibles, last night
Watch it with anyone?: yep, but he's my hetro life buddy - He's the jay to my silent bob.
Last time you went to the mall: Tuesday,
Last person you wished you could "do": See last person that made my hear skip a beat
Last CD you Bought: Skid Row, Slave to the grind
Last beautiful thing you saw: Was in dreams

A pretty good day. Not much sleep. Was awoken at the wrong time by a pesky alarm clock. I'd only gone and changed the actual time, rather than the time to wake me up, and in doing so,a waoke half an hour before I'd planned. I only discovered this when I checked the time on my phone, bah. The upshot of which is that whilst I turned up on time, my mate turned up late. So walked around town being sociable, before heading off the KFC for a bargain bucket (I.e a meal for FOUR, that involves 10 pieces of chicken, and four servings (rather than four individual) fries). Now, this meal for four normally serves only two people once I discover how hungry I normally am, and thank god the hunger didn't prevail to the point whereby we decided to go for the fourteen piece meal between the two of us.Then I bought myself something small, and went back home.

It was , as stitch would say, a pretty good day.I didnt have to use My AK..



I had a phone call on the bus.Short, simple, sweet and annoying.

CALLER:"We're calling from Docklands Telecom, a licensed reseller for orange.We're calling to check if you're still an orange pay as you go Customer?"
ME:"Do I have to answer this?" (I'm curious why a reseller would be contacting me...)
CALLER: "No"
ME: "Well, i'm not going to then."

-click- I hang up.

I do not utilise my option to laugh manically Dr. Evil style though - after all, it would sound a little silly on the back seat of the bus..

A little googling reveal that Docklands telecom is a longstanding telemarketing operation using a predictive dialler to contact Orange customers. A 'predictive' dialler is so called for a simple reason; it is 'predictive'. It dials random numbers (say with an Orange Network prefix) in the hope of finding a pay as
you go customer, preferably over 18, with a bank account - and then goes into the sale pitch for selling them a contract phone instead.

I really should have launched into the spiel about being part of the - telephone preference service , which people can opt into to have their telephone number removed from marketing databases , and then quote the various penalties about further calls; a fine for first instance, and in the second instance, a fine of up to £5,000; not to mention that the license for performing buisness by telephony can be rescinded, meaning the company can not longer telephones to conduct business.

If they do call a second time, inform them that you will lodge a formal complain - both to the Information Commisioner of OFTEL and to Orange customer services. They will register a Dealer Incident for you and it will be fed back to the company concerned. If orange find any companies abusing the Privacy and Electronic Communications (EC Directive) Regulations 2003, Orange will take action against them; potentially including withdrawing their right to sell Orange phones.

Funny however that Docklands Telecom , as evidenced here , are claiming to be subscribers and adherents of the Direct Marketing Associations Telephone prefence Service, as John Burns (manager in Sales marketing for Docklands Telecom) stated in 2002. The DMA's membership manager had however, advised that at that time, Docklands Telecom were not members of the organisation, and thus were misrepresenting themselves. This is perhaps not too surprising , as they were investigated by Advertising Standards Authority for misrepresentation of goods, & subject to an adjudication prodcedure which states the company acted with a with a "... lack of co-operation and apparent disregard for the Codes" (from www.asa.org.uk).

Well, Well. How glad I am i don't work in telemarketing anymore.

Now, I know I posted this link before, but this is another reason why. A very irate call from BT to a customer who gets abusive, and understandably does not want to be called. Though he expresses this is exceptionally strong terms. Some people elsewhere have questioned the legitimacy of the recording, believing it to be possibly faked.

Having spent three unfortunate years working in a call centre, i'd say its real. Its interesting to note that in the call centre industry, the average length of time a member of staff stays is three months - a turnover rate of 400%. That's higher than McDonalds. It took me three years to burnout, and I'll never do another job where i have to wear a headset again.



Any idiot can be a phone monkey, even me, but sometimes it takes a human to do it well and succeed.

That call rings true to me, it sounds kosher. There's a number of reasons, but in brief...Its a marketing call from BT trying to sell him an upgrade package. Now, given that the accent of the caller , that corresponds from where BT were running a callcentre from in the past. Even more worrying, The script the caller follows seems kosher too:- it follows all the rules a corporate telemarketing script tends to follow. It identifies the company, sets up their corporate mission, and so on and so forth - Given that i used to write them, it seems possible it could be real. In three years in call centres, i never had a call like it...nor would i want one like it neither.But it seems real.



Thank god I didn't launch off into my spiel.Unlike the time when Staybrite windows rang and i was able to retreive all their information from last time they called, and a quick search on google, which allowed me to bring up the details of various court judgements and OFTEL complaints against them, listing their home office address in full, and stating it dragnet style - just the facts, ma'am.

Funny how they never called again after that.....

thanks to t'urban fox (Say it in a yorkshire accent!) It appears our government has been replaced by a rather orwellian Ministry of Truth, jdging by the statements of new Home Secretary, Charles Clarke, on the all pervasive ID cards scheme.

"I claim that the ID Cards Bill that I am introducing today is a profoundly civil libertarian measure because it promotes the most fundamental civil liberty in our society, which is the right to live free from crime and fear"



A Scheme which was criticized by Thatcher as being too-naziesque, before she compared it to Hitler's compulsory citizen registration scheme.....As urban says, "When Thatcher attacks a government policy for being Nazi-esque, you know there's a problem"

I am reminded of a quote that someone else also references:-"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety. " (Historical Review of Pennsylvania, 1759)

I love you, big brother.

I've for a while held back on my opion of the forthcoming blackbuster starring Harrison Ford - "No True
Glory: The battle for Fallujah".

Chances are, I will probably want to see it. Firstly, I'm a sucker for war movies...but also out of fascination for just what its like. It doesn't mean approval for the film or its message. Its not been since World War II that a fictional film has been made during the conflict in question is still taking place, let alone one of such a blatant bias coming from a pseudo-documentary: you only have to look at films like "Report from the Aleutians" and "triumph of the Will" for such reprehensible cinema. It's been a long time since propaganda cinema.

There's been a lot of war movies lately - whilst most have been technically superb and graphically effective - I'm thinking the much underrated "Behind Enemy lines" (technically fascinating, but morally dubious), the historical revisionism of "Saving Private Ryan" *(where there's not a single English, French, Canadian or Austrailian solder involved in the taking of Omaha Beach, which might be a historically accurate, but we never see any of them in the other two hours of the movie either), and "Black Hawk Down". None of these really glorify war, but they certainly do seem to justify it. Even "Black Hawk Down", which takes the biggest US military defeat from vietnam at that time, portrays it as somehow a victorious, justifiable event. Which is odd, given that at leats two of my firends who watched who loved the other work Ridley Scott has done described it as "propagandist war porn". Warnography. The example of "We Were Soldiers" hypes itself up as an 'accurate' war film, but it's about as devoid of bias as a party political broadcast; it's all gung ho flag waving heroics again, where we leave no man behind, and the general is both the first man and the last man off the battlefield. A battlefield they lost.

And again, like the other films, its portrayed as the good USA soldiers versus the bad slinty eyed gooks / the hun / the Nip/ the Skinnies (somalians, as in black hawk). In fact, the only film of recent that even attempted to portray the other side of a battle as human rather than anything resembling human Terminator-esque sociopathic killing machines was the superlative Three Kings, a film that led director David o Russell to being effectively blacklisted for five years.

The difference is that at that time, the US wasnt militarily involved in any of the countries that these conflicts that they portrayed in when the films were being made.

They certainly weren't still on the ground, fighting. Why would they make a film about that? Why now? It sure is funny that they should make a film of this before the "Black Tuesday" epic (presumably a Bruckheimer production of a Michael bay movie) about 9/11. Unless, there's two reasons i)Profit and ii)Propaganda.

Becuase when you are losing the war for the hearts of the people, there's nothing like a bit of propaganda to get things going again.

When people talk about the golden age of cinema, go have a look over the years 1939. See what came out - Gone With the Wind, Goodbye Mr Chips, Mr smith Goes to Washington, of Mice and men, The Wizard of Oz...to name but a few. And then see what was made in the period of the was - 1940-1945, and with the sole exception of Casablanca and Citizen Kane, can anyone name a single classic film of those 5 years?

Is it because talents like john huston were making propaganda disguised as documentaries?

When cinema serves a political need for a war effort,then it's no longer about art, or anything like entertainment - the medium becomes the message. It's about propping up a war effort, nothing more. Everything else goes out of the window when you've got slanty eyed nips / the hun / gooks and now the iraqi 'freedom fighter' / 'terrorist' to add to that list. Of course the defintion of terrorist or freedom fighter depends on one thing - if its your country thats being invaded, or if you are the invading army.After all, those nasty Afghanistan muhadjeen? They were freedom fighters once, when they were repelling the soviet hoard, as Immortalised in The Living Daylights and Rambo III. Now, we call them terrorists, becuase we are in the same role - an occupying force - that the Russian were in back in those days.

It's worth remembering that history is written by the victors. These victors, such as the Americans, always remind us of the millions who died in the death camps of Auschwitz, and quite understandably so. But they convienietly forget the parts of their own history they would rather sweep under the carpet - like the firebombings of Dresden, and the firebombing campaign of Japan which killed millions also. We might get the ilks of the films like the pianist, or the Schindlers list villifying the Nazi's extermination campaign, but there's been not a single film about the firebombings of Germany and Japan. Neither from the point of view of the people who were burned to death in the tinder houses of nagoya, nor the 'courageous' bomber pilots dropping bombs on civilians from the relative safety of 30,000 feet in the sky.

As someone once said,and this might have been in Dogma , but also, it might be Clueless. The exact quote escapes me but, - nobody tends to remember this things - nobody cares until they make a movie of it. Whats more important is, nobody remembers. It slips off the cultural radar. things get forgotten, in this age where we tend to get most of our information from television and movies - not reading books. less than 10% of the population read books daily.Me, i go into withdrawl convulsions if I don't read a book everyday.There's certain households in the North East of England where, say, less than1 household in ten own a single book. And how many people line up to watch the History channel documentaries on these things? Oh, they don't. I've never once seen a documentary , never even seen one listed, about these firebombings. Compare that the the veritable weeks worth of programming about the attack on pearl harbor, and about how the US (the victors) were attacked, and then you get the picture.

As I said, history is always written by the victors.What we will get is the courageous story of people who go in and invade other countries. It will inevitably end with a flag being raised above Fallujah style, like the flag raising photo made famous in the Pacific in World War II, whilst Harrison Ford looks on impassively with his most serious face, hoping for an Oscar nomination, but instead looking like he's been transplanted in from a John Wayne movie, but alive.



But mostly, I can't help but wonder why someone who appeared in such a movie as Apocalypse NOW is doing in this pile of proaganda dreck. Especially when his only previous precedent for historical based roles in the military is the quite compotent, moderately good, but historically inaccurate and sunk at the box office bomb that wss K-19, where he played a heroic and honourable russkie sub commander. (K-19 is entertaining enough, but the main thing wrong with it? Harrison Ford....)

When the media is in the hands of the one side of the conflict, it reminds me of the marxian maxim about the workers not owningin the tools of production. Quite simply, what you will get is a story and a product biased to one viewpoint, not an impartial one. What you will get is the story of how great it is that we are liberating the sandniggers and towelheads and the dunecoons from the evil of Saddam Hussein. (in a side note, please note here, I'm not saying that Saddam Hussein was NOT evil - he was . He was evil in the same way that any dictator over his populace is evil, but we often mention the gas attack on the Kurds in 1988. What we seem to forget is that the US sold him the nerve gas to use, which makes the US an accessory to mass murder and genocide)

The other thing is, that by blowing our own trumpets for removing Saddam Hussein, we are also tacitally approving of the installation of free market laissez faire capitalism in its place, whereby large multinational corpoartions go in, carve up the natural resources they want out of it for a minimum price - look at the way that the US military contracts for iraq were disbarred from tendering for the best price, but merely awarded to Haliburton - and all the proceeds to be kept in iraq go to the top of the food chain - those who co-operated with the Americans. What will not happen, becuase it doesn't happen in the US - is the trickle down theory, where wealth is then redistributed to those poorer. Thats like giving a rich man gold and telling him to give it away.

The Trickle down theory of laissez faire capitalism works on two principles:-
1)That rich people voluntary redistribute their wealth like Robin hood to the poor.
2)That Corporations do not abuse the system to retain money.
3)What is best for corporations is best for everyone.

As for the first two points - well, this is the underlying belief that has to exist to make trickle down economics work. Stated as plainly as that, its absurd to expect either point 1) or 2) to be true, but still, its central to the philosophy. As for point 3, one only has to look at the vertical concentration of ownership and wealth to be disproved - when 80% of the wealth remains in the most wealthy 5% of the population, it disproves point 3 also.

Thing is, trickle down economnics doesnt work in the US, so how can we expect it to work Iraq? Do we expect it to work? We tell people, it does, but why did yahoo news report that "One only has to look at the example California paid an estimated $86 million in public assistance in 2001 because workers at Wal-Mart Stores Inc. earn such low wages, researchers said on Tuesday. 'Wal-Mart workers' reliance on public assistance due to substandard wages and benefits has become a form of indirect public subsidy to the company,' said the report issued by the University of California, Berkeley Labor Center."

In other words, it doesnt trickle down.

One only need to look on www.betoniraq.com as an example of how the US intends to manipulate the situation in Iraq, exploit their ravged economy and currency, and use it to profit for themselves rather than profit for the people in bombed out houses, with little electricity, a destroyed infrastructure, living in a war zone. The only people who will benefit are those currency speculators in the west with comfortable homes, light, water, electricity, food in the fridge and DVD players.

Now, I've come a long way from discussing the use of making films such as "No true glory" and their role as pro-US, pro-Laissez faire capitalism propaganda. What we have instead is a disproportionate bias in the story telling. As for the idea that the Iraqi's will be able to tell their side - such as Hospitals being shut down, as in contravention to the rules of warfare and the geneva convention, or the fact of men in mosques being shot in the head and other such war crimes , An example of which is as one reported recently where a married 25 year old US soldier with a wife and child had sex with a 17 year old iraqi boy and then shot him dead - is absurd (for which is currently imprisoned at Leavenworth.

How would that play in the primary marketsin the southern Bible belt and national TV? It wouldn't. Theres no economic incentive to tell the story from any perspective except that which reflects those with the money to make it a profitable venture, ie the West.

Which means one thing: welcome to the whitewash of history, where truth and the media only has one side - our side - and all the things we'd rather our governments doen't do get convieniently forgotten, wept under the carpet, and certainly don't get immortalised with a 2.40 aspect ratio, Dolby 6.1 soundtrack, special effects by ILM, and opening in 2700 screens across the US.One only needs to look at the dismal box office take three kings got, the fact the director was virtually blacklisted for five years, and the fact that star George Clooney reckons the movie will not go into profit for another decade before realising that sometimes, telling the truth hurts not just economically, but in terms of people's careers.

Thats why the true story will never be told. We will be told of the heroism of the soldiers in iraq. we will never be told of the heroism of people defending their homeland against an inavding, occupying army in guerilla warfare. After all, its not cowardly to defend your home against a vastly superior force with overwhelming military superiority. Because you can bet your bottom dollar that if it was the US that was invaded, they'd made films extolling the virtue of the homeland resistence - or insurgents as the invading army would call it - against the invaders. hell, America didn't even have to be invaded for them to make that film, it was made in 1984 and called Red Dawn!

As I said earlier , it all depends on which side of the conflict you are on, and that will always define the role the media - movies in this example - takes in the conflict. In this case, what we are seeing here is a movie from the victors perspective extolling the virtues of an invading army. What I can be fairly certain of is that they will give it to a director who is fairly mallebale, nottoo powerful in his own right, who will pretty much comply to the producers wishes - possibly a Jonathon Mostow (U-571), or more like, John Moore (Behind Enemy Lines).

Where's Leni Riefenstahl when you need her??

night Night.

It's interesting to read why bands like BUSTED and McFLY have such an influence over the target teenage / tweenie market. It's also nice to see the major labels have their tactics for cynically exploiting pocket money exposed. See here .



It's telling that one 13 year old girl did a presentation in her English Class on McFly, and even emails pictures of herself carrying out promotional activites to the record company:- in exchange for promises of free merchandise, special recognition and maybe, even a personal phone call from the band. Universal records call it the "school chairman" scheme, and its been in place for almost two years.

After all, why spend millions on marketing when you can get 13 year olds to do it for free? I suppose it's because "its what i go to school for"!

And there i was , thinking that child labour has been abolished....

Two little quick websites i must recommend,briefly...

Firstly, "Ziggy's Video" , a highly irreverent bunch of movie reviewers demolish utterly rubbish movies, just for the hell of it. for a start they love Blue thunder, and they even love the utterly absurd genius that is the criminally neglected Under Siege 2: (aka Steven Seagal: The good years).

But even better is Ruthless reviews . It is, truly ruthless. it loves 80's action movies for their utterly dumb preposterousness, but any site which features a review of rambo which starts that "Rambo is gayer than sexual intercourse between men. To start with, the movie and the protagonist are fucking called Rambo. But only because Buttfuck was already taken. " has got to be watched closely.

The fact that it rates the movies for catergories such as Entire Story in Fewer words than are in this Sentence,Homoeroticism, corpse counts, novelty deaths, Stupid Political Content, and pre-mortem one liners and more. in fact the entire paragraph on the sexual subtext of conan the barbarian is pretty unmissable,if only surpassed by the one for Delta Force

"Homoeroticism:
The Delta Force motorcycle is gayness on wheels. It features two penis rockets that must be seen to be believed. Measuring about 14 inches in length, the rockets rest bellow the handlebars on a line with the rider's actual penis. Before being launched they raise to approximately the same angle as an erect penis. Again, you must see the penis rockets to believe them. The bikes have a second weapon: the tailpipe. You have not seen a gay action movie shot until you've seen Chuck look back over his shoulder as he dispatches an enemy with his devastating tailpipe. "

It pretty much sums the whole genre with the classic Red Dawn , here summarised as this:- "Had Ronald Reagan not been elected (and been so damn macho), the Soviet Union, Cuba, and Nicaragua would have landed on our shores and made slaves of us all. It is also acceptable to have 30,000 handgun deaths a year just in case the Commies come knocking and we need our firearms handy. Or instead, the pussy liberals could just make it easier and let us own tanks."




And ruthless records loves heavymetal, with catergories such as Related Top 10s:
Top 10 Worst Black Metal Records of All Time
Top 8 Essential Black Metal Albums
Top 10 Most Ridiculous Black Metal Pics of All Time
Top 20 High School Metal Albums
Top 8 Essential Death Metal Albums

And their eighties action movie timeline reveals that not only (as we know) has not a single good movie been made since 1987, but also includes the oddly funny, yet prescient observation on 9/11:- ="Terrorists attack New York, D.C. and Pennsylvania killing nearly 3,000 innocent Americans. Schwarzenegger, Stallone and Chuck Norris are conspicuously absent ". Maybe that is the reason why I don't intend on buying any more Schwarzneggar DVD's, eh? he welshed on the American people. it's either that or this pic is to blame...



Night Night.

Now, this is why you shouldnt cold call people at home....

honestly

contains naughty words. You have been warned.

Have you ever heard of distractionary therapy?

Distractionary tactics are where you accuse your opponents of exactly the same foibles as could be accused of, so people investigate those claims rather than looking into yourself for the same traits. So, with that in mind (and with a little help from my brother for the linky ), let look at some developments in the Blunkett affair.

To quote, The observer's article.

David Blunkett blames his downfall on a millionaires' plot to destroy a 'working class lad who's the voice of ordinary people', friends disclosed last night.
In a deliberate attempt to launch a concerted fightback against Kimberly Quinn, Blunkett's former lover, a close associate of the former Home Secretary said that she appeared to have 'mesmerised' Alan Budd - the civil servant investigating claims that Blunkett fast-tracked a visa for her Filipino nanny.


Interesting. So, it's a conspiracy, a plot by millionaires to bring down a self-declared working class lad. Funnily enough, I'd say there's a considerable difference between say,a working class bloke down the garage earning £4.61 an hour and David Blunkett by the fact that, by of doing a managerial office job that makes him travel around the country, around the world, representing England all the world in as an international dignitary, who doesn't lift boxes, work a pallet loader, serve customers, or do any menial work. What Blunkett seems to do is sit in meetings all day. Blunkett isn't working class, he's managerial upper middle class earning about way above the national average.

It's also funny how he seemd to claim that Quinn has 'mesmerised' Alan budd - the investigating civil servant. Is she like Zelda in Terrhawks or something? using witchcraft to beguile men, a temptress using her feminine wiles over men? On the contrary, i suspect the only reason for Blunkett's emotional reaction is caused by the fact he was mesmerised by her, and wishes to draw attention away from the issue.

We'll perhaps only see how mesmerised Alan Budd was when Quinn is accussed of havine born two of his children eh? mmmm.

Anyway, it goes on.

"Accusing her of acting through 'personal spite', the friend said Blunkett had been the victim of an orchestrated campaign against him originating from the publisher Condé Nast, which employs Quinn's husband Stephen. 'There seems to be a big disinformation campaign starting almost immediately from Condé Nast and the people supporting her,' the friend said. 'It's very much the American millionairess who's managed to knock out the working-class lad who's the voice of ordinary people. "

So, there's a disinformation campaign from American publishers (who have no interest in bringing down the Blair government, who are overwhelming supportive of the Bush regime, all designed to bring him down with accusations of improper behaviour (mostly true - not a single claim of theirs has been disproven) of corruption, misuse of power, and sexual impropriety. Fact is, as these claims - he fast tracked visa applications, had a long running affair with another mans wife who has had two of his children, and stole from government by mis-using travel vouchers - are generally turning out to be true, it's his own behaviour that is responsible for his downfall more than a perceived press hate campaign. Especially as, as yesterdays blog showed, the press campaign in the popular papers seems to be overwhelmingly taking the side of supporting the government, not the single, abandoned, pregnant woman hospitalised with stress.

Later in the article, it states that "He is said to be a 'broken man', with friends alarmed that he is losing weight and appears physically and emotionally exhausted."

It seems to be that Blunkett is, whilst emotionally affected, is not just being vidictive, but trying to rationalise and make sense of his loss of public position and his own downfall. In his emotionally exhausted state, perhaps he is unable to comprehend that this is the compound interest result of his own actions, instead preferring to himslef as the victim of other forces - like say, a press campaign orchestrated by editors and journalists across the land simply to pick on him and villify him because he is a mere disabled working class lad suffering from victimization.

I suspect its closer to truth is that they are picking on him because his private life has shown to be completely at odds with his public rhetoric, and that, as with great power comes great responsibility (TM Spiderman), if he does not display that responsibility, he will be held accountable.

For him to use his disability and social origins as an excuse to hide from personal responsibility and personal accountability for the results of his own actions is reprehensible and insulting to everyone. To try to abscond himself from this responsibility by blaming it on a preceived 'conspiracy' is the act of someone whose perceptions and reality are no longer in touch with each other, not in the slightest.

It is the act of a weak, irresponsible, immature man. If he can't do the time, don't do the crime.

For what it matters, David Blunkett, you have my contempt. And it is deserved.