Frak.

I love Battlestar galactica - the new series of it, i mean> i love the old one too, for its campy sideburns and mullets and flashy guns and guys in tin suits stomping around like camp metallic disco dancers with their flashing eyes. However, the new cylons are just incredibly, incredibly, bad-ass; and it works over all as far far far superior to the original. its like comparing the new solaris and the old one - different versions of the same idea, but the newer one is far superior.

Anyway, frak this, i do not intend on dying of a terminal illness in the next 12 months (unlike my namesake). At least I'm not Baltar though...I suppose Thats what I get for seeing quuestions such as 'you are attracted to dangerous women' and 'you are evil' and knowing who they relate to ;-).

You scored as President Laura Roslin. You may be ill but you have a job to do. Fate has put you in a powerful position by accident, but it turns out you are damn good at it. You are no warrior, but in the political arena you are without peer. President Laura Roslin 94% Capt. Lee Adama (Apollo) 81% Dr Gaius Baltar 63% Lt. Kara Thrace (Starbuck) 63% Tom Zarek 63% CPO Galen Tyrol 56% Commander William Adama 56% Number 6 50% Lt. Sharon Valerii (Boomer) 38% Col. Saul Tigh 38% What New Battlestar Galactica character are you? created with QuizFarm.com

So say we all...

been a busy couple of days. Well, busy in terms of keeping busy if you like - making cd's , defragging hard drives, clearing off data, freeing up spcae, re-encoding, and so forth. if nothing else, Im learning an encyclopaedic knowledge of different techniques of audio mixing film scores, or something.However, this morning - after four hours sleep and writing a late night letter, I saw my daughter. She didn;t notice me much, because she wa spractically asleep the entire time, only waking up when I left. She saw me and smiled at me because she could see me, and thats when I just knew she was Ok. FGed her, but then I had to go. So , one bus ride to the l;ibrary later and here I am, blogging like a loon.

Oh, in the meantime, why not see a rap megastar eat cheesburgers, with his son? . And theres not a pair of gold lame pants in sight... shocking eh? U can't touch this.

Warning: post contains emotional, sappy, content.

If I could change one question from last nights Me Me me , it would be 'when did you last cry'. And the anawer would be earlier today. I last cried as I looked down on my five month old daughter, as she tried to punch herself in the face/ pull her hair out/ pick her nose / eat her hand / suck her thumb/ wriggle around like a very wriggly thing/ look up at me at smile and laugh / giggle and gurgle / AND be a constant source of wonder to me all at the same time. And I just felt my eyes go wet because of how much I love her, how much I miss her, and how great she is.

And then a few minutes later, As I picked her up, she was sick all over me. Covered in babypuke, It still didn't make me change my mind. Bless. I can't believe how great she it is to know her sometimes. I know, Im coming across like a smug parent / smug married/ but i can't help what i feel about her, and Its so beyond my any terms of reference and my experience before I was a father I just don't know how else to describe it.

Note: Emotional, sappy, content over now. Normal Service resumes.

And...before I get told off for splurging the other day, the trip to Ikea, a restaurant and a movie on Friday cost me... £3.12. For the meal AND the movie. So, that was bloody cheap I thought.I think I might do it again next week.

(FYI, the showcase cinema in walsall is £4.25 monday-thursday; with the orange wednesday offer, that halves the ticket price. And the Ikea restaurant has a great "£1.00 all you can eat pasta" offer, where you buy a plate of pasta for a pound with as many refills as you like. I was otherwise traumatized by going there, but the restaurant was bloody cheap)



Yesterday I bought this (17 hours long, 24 episodes); the first season for 24 for an outlay for £6.yes, the entire first season, on DVD. I traded in a DVD I bought for 50p for £4 cash elsewhere, then bought this, meaning the outlay really was £2.50 in total. Not too bad, given that I realised I can trade in the first season DVD box set for £9 cash when I'm done with it anyway! No wonder some of my friend have nicknamed me the 'bargain hunter' I guess. (By the way, I blame nashie, webmaster of the wonderstuff.co.uk site, for my interest. He'd proseltyze about it like you wouldn't believe, and I've never watched it)

You know you've spent too long in the local library, when they address you on first name terms the second you go through the door, and when your 2 and a half hour session on the PC comes to an end because someone else wants to use the internet (I mean how DARE they ), they say the immortal words telling me to get off the pc, phrased as a question. (The answer was 'Eventually') as I packed up my bags, and returned to the analogue world, filled with carbons (real people) and 'ugly bags of mostly water' (another term for humans, according to star trek, in one of its lesser celebrated lines of dialogue).

The question from the librarian telling me someone else was here to use the pc and maybe, just maybe, I'd spent too much time online...? the immortal 'Mr Reed, would you like to go home now?'.

maybe they know me too well...

What Do All the following filsm have in common?

The Bounty, Brief Encounter, Buster, brassed Off, The Cannoball Run, Cabaret,Cinema Paradiso, Conan the Destroyer, Donnie Darko, Dune, The Eagle has Landed, East Is East, Educating Rita, The Fourth protocol, Highlander, The Ipcress Files, The Last Emperor, On golden pond,Paris texas, The Poseidon Adventure,Raise the Titanic, Rogue Trader, Silkwood, Sophies Choice,Strictly Ballroom, The Wild Geese, Who Dares Wins, AND The Wickerman?


Well, the answer isn't that i)I own them all (I don't) or ii)They all star Michael Caine (again, they don't, although a significant proportion already do)_ simple - this. . They've all been given away with daily newspapers as freebies. As somebody said - and was recently proven in court by Johnathon king who sued the mirror newspapers group that it was effectively a CD with a free newspaper, not the other way around,"I bought a CD from a High Street chain the other day and they gave me a free newspaper with it."

A fuller list of the stuff given away can be found here . or here. fascinating it is, and only makes me lament the ones I didn't get for 55p each. Raise the Titanic especially, because the soundtrack score by John barry is i)the finest work he ever EVER did - and that was in his peak year owhere he also did Moonraker and the black hole (1979) and secondly, the score was never ever issued on record anywhere in the world, and the mastertapes have now been destroyed. But if you really want, you could always sign up here..., a mailing list about the free stuff they give away with papers. I'll be watching it like a very observant hawk.



Oh, and by the way, the Wickerman is free with tomorrows guardian. My dad loves that film. And its only one of the finest horror films ever made. No guts, no gore, just psychological horror at its best. And by the way, im still looking for a DVD of Raise the Titanic...OK?

The usual MeMeMe stuff...

1. What is your occupation? 'Minister without portfolio' (ie currently none)

2. What colour is your underwear? Not wearing any.

3. What are you listening to right now? People chatting at library.

4. What was the last thing you ate? Milk Chocolate digestives.

5. Do you wish on stars? Nope - brad pitt never listens

6. If you were a crayon, what colour would you be? BLACK like my soul!

7. How is the weather right now? Cold. Snowing.

8. Last person you spoke to on the phone? mark. Hello Mark! And staybrite windows. They got a stern telling off.

9 . Do you like the person who sent this to you? I like all my friends.

10. How old are today? 32. eeek.

11. Favourite drink? Fruit Salad squash, right now.

12. Favourite sport to watch? Does watching paint dry count?

13. Have you ever dyed your hair? Nope.

14. Favourite perfume/aftershave? tesco nebula. 64p.

15. Pets? I have a duaghter, what do i need pets for?

16. Favourite month? April.

17. Favourite food? Chicken.

18. What was the last movie you watched? Final Destination 3. Not a patch on the first two, and a bit crap, sadly.

19. Favourite day of the year? Any where I get paid.

20. What do you do to vent anger? Swear.

21. Fall or Spring? Spring.

22. Hugs or kisses? Sleeping with the arms of someone you love next to you. hasnt happened in a very long time.

23. Cherry or Blueberry? Cherry

24. Do you want your friends to e-mail you back?
duh.

25. Who is most likely to respond? erm..mark?

26. Who is least likely to respond? anyone i dont know?

27. Living arrangements? alone.

28 When was the last time you cried? reading the john peel book when they were talking about his death - and at the end of 'the new world', the terrance malik fillum.

29. What is on the floor of your closet? A filing cabinet.

30. Who is the friend you have had the longest?
mark (32 years) , and Bob (22 years this september)

31. What did you do last night? Ikea, ate at a restaurant for £1, went to the cinema, bought trainers for £5 from Asda.

32. Favourite smell? the smell of my young daughter. Except when she poops.

33. What inspires you? Ikea inspires me, with the ambition never to end up enjoying lifestyle porn.

34. What are you afraid of? Everything.

35.Plain, cheese or spicy hamburger? Cheese.

36. Favourite car? Matchbox Lotus espirt submersible, with rocket launchers.

37. Favourite dog breed? None.

38. Number of keys on your key ring? 8

39. How many years at your current job? pass.

40. Favourite day of the week? Wednesday

41. How many states have you lived in? a few: depressed, miserable, happy, and in love.

42. How many cities/ Towns have you lived in/name
them:
4.various suburbs in Birmingham. Middlesbrough. Nuneaton. Walsall

Radio Ass Kiss lives with a review of pure sycophancy. Somehow, I think the fact that the lead singer has given you his personal phone number might impair your objectivity to the subject in question. Anyway, the chronology of the events in question - all of which were documented on the Miles Hunt website before being stalinised out of existence to remove the evidence - is as documented in an earlier post here . And I'm sticking to it, no matter how much it might upset people by not being appropriately sycophant, with my allegedly rushed review from the last time I saw them here which was neither rushed, simply just seeing through the self-delusion of obsessive fandom...

tsk. Can't you tell by now that no amount of comments ever will change the fact that I rolled the bones and this is how they landed?

Anyway, I suspect there's a previously unconfessed influence of New Model Army on the stuffies. lets compare and contrast

1.The Wonderstuff latest album 'Suspended by Stars'


2.Justin Sullivan's latest album 'Navigating by Stars' (hes the singer of NMA)


Stars in the title of both. black and white pictures of the faces of the artist against a black background and stark typography/design. mmm?

I've been quiet the past couple of days. Very quiet.

In fact, I haven't blogged in almost 5 days. A veritable eternity. But I had a very productive Monday - well, very busy monday - because I had to do things like get electric and gas and food and that means running around supermarkets all over the south Birmingham with heavy bags of frozen food. Food thats defrosting - While I wait ages for buses that never turn up, all against the clock of an off peak bus pass. grr.

This is not helped by the extremity of where I live - there's one bus that goes directly to town, and nothing else. To go anywhere other than the centre of town involves a minimum of two buses, and possibly up to four buses. Which is why a half hour spent actually travelling can take up to an hour and a half - including an hour of dead time where I'd far rather be at home in the warm, not standing around in fucking sub-zero temperatures. Especially after the bus driver has just stood outside the bus doing nothing productive at all for about five minutes except delay everyone else on his bus, whilst I frantically realise and know that this bus is due to arrive at the bus stop ONE minute before my bus home arrives, and If I miss it, I've got a half an hour before I get home in sub-zero temperatures.

And the bus drivers wonders why I'm giving him attitude, by ringing the bell to get his attention so I can get FUCKING home. It may mean shit all to him in his cabin, but he's not the one standing around in sub-zero temperatures at night because a stranger has made a decision to piss about for no good fucking reason.

Yes, I do get annoyed by buses.

Now,. by the time I got to bed on Monday I wasn't feeling too well. Just a bit run down maybe, but the 38 hours without sleep may have contributed to this. However, Tuesday really did hit me. I didn't awake until it was getting late, and then that was only because of hunger and the need to empty the bladder. After that, I went back to bed, which is where I stayed until it was dark. About twenty past nine at night. I had slept, on and off, some 18 hours, and still felt bloody dreadful, worn out and run down. My stomach was trying to tell me to retch and eat simultaneously (I hadn't consumed food in nigh on 24 hours at this point), and these contradictory impulses tell me I'm probably not very well.At all.

I still feel like shit, though. Going to the library was something to do - not in that killing time kind of way, but to stop me going stir crazy - and I had to get some mincemeat from Somerfield (whose cheapest at 907g for £1.06p is the cheapest i could find; everywhere else was about £2 a kilo) there's some days when I'd far rather just stay indoors, and if I had the internet on at home I probably would never leave the house anyway; as it happens, not having the internet on at home is a good reason actually to leave the bloody house and get out there.

I'm probably going to go home now. I feel fucking dreadful. Sorry. I put it down to lack of sleep, standing around in subzero temperatures waiting endlessly for buses driven by what appears to be formula one drivers on a busmans holiday to drive around Weoley Castle in doubledeckers just because, being run down and generally just feeling unwell. Sorry.

But Monday was a lovely day.Saw friends, some long lost some not, saw Xander's Daddy's pop band - well thats the wonderstuff doing an instore for it - and debated to mark who should review it. He said my last review of when I saw the stuffs pissed a few people off. Well, I won't write a nice review simply to please people - I'll tell them exactly how I feel, and if they don't like what I saym thats up to them. I won't kotow to sycophancy just to please some kiss asses. I see through the emotional attachment ot the band to the truthfulness of it, and I'm not blinded by the fact a new band using the same name as a band I once liked are still making records to ever diminishing crowds. In 1994, 30,000 people bought tickets at £60 apiece to see them play their 'last' show - now twelve years one,less than 300 people turn up for a gig where tickets are cost nothing. That says a lot to me. It also says that if they expect me to just kiss ass because they rebranded his solo project by spotwelding an established band name to its latest incarnation - and thats what the wonderstuff are, no shadow of a doubt - well,they're mistaken. Honestly, it works so much better if you think of it as the 'miles hunt experience' who play Wonderstuff songs too. And now, I won't be dissuaded, and no amount of bleating by you, mark, will make a damn bit of difference, so don't even bother trying to persuade me. The facts speak for themselves.

Anyway, I hope I feel less shitty soon.

BRILLIANT BANDS YOU'VE NEVER HEARD OF: VOLUME 1




are... In The Nursery

just look at that hair. very 80's. But Who? Most people haven't heard of them. I'm not too surprised. They are pretty damn obscure, yet I own a dozen of their albums. I only ever heard them because I worked with someone else who liekd them, ,and started playing them to me at the record shop I worked at. Without him, I would never have heard of them - and they've been going twenty years.

Like a lot of bands in my life (though this has a lot to do with being a twin), they are made up of two twin brothers. (See the Proclaimers, who I shared a surname with , and at school was endlessly bullied about. gee, thanks). As the most famous musical things out of sheffield are i) Def leppard and ii)Human leaague iii)_Heaven 17 iv)Cabaret Voltaire v) Richard kirk and vi)Warp Records, that 5 to 1 bias in favour of electronic stuff tells you what kind aof thing they do.

Lush sampled orchestral work - neo-classical in places.

Most bizarre place I've ever heard of In the Nursey being played is Andy Weatherall dropping ITNS ' To The faithful' into a set in Ibiza in the early 90's ; as evidenced in his sleeve notes for for the 'Scatter' compilation, which is the best place to start; it covers pretty much all era's and styles that ITN have indulged in up to then (1995), is quite long (75 mins) and the majority of which are rare/ compilation only/ tracks only on singles/ unreleased; as well as some of their more popular tracks.

(BTW, Those of you with the Smokebelch II single by Sabres of Paradise might be interested to discover its a effectively co-production with ITN (especially the entry mix) - those lush keyboard sounds are stated on the csleeve as 'initial keyboard production by les jumeaux', which is a pseudonym ITN have used for two albums, the first of which 'feathercut' I could name as my
second favourite ITN album. (Though, I could place every single one of the dozen ITN albums I have in exactly the same spot..))

Pesonally the most bizarre place I've ever heard ITN being played is Daytime BBC Radio One - yes, you read it right. It was the mornign after a famous royal died in a car crash and Radio One did the emergency pulling out the stops of mandated somber music, which included the utterly haunting ITN remix of the Sabres Of PAradise's 'Haunted Dancehall' (Which always was my favourite ITN track). . It was part of a loop of music that got played, repeating about once every 50 minutes or so. I even taped the sombre music but the tape is now lost to the annals of time.

ITN also record as les Jumeaux, which is their less experimental, more streamlined ethic-ambient sort of sound. Think something like the work of enigma with more beats and without the sampled vocals, just lush and haunting keyboard melodies, snare drums and absolutely no regard for vocals.

Pretty much all albums seem to be on catalogue, save a couple of very early obscure ones such as counterpoint; best place to find them is probably at their own website. However, they did record four albums for Third Mind in the early 90's, which being a divison of roadrunner that specialised in electronic stuff (they also had Frontline Assembly and Intermix for a couple of years), and given how much Roadrunner never delete anything, these should probably still be
readily available too; last time I checked they were on a midprice range at about £8-£10. 'Ambush of Ghosts' is the most ambient of these albums, though I also reccomend 'Anatomy of a poet'. Some people find ITN quite pretentious, give their nature of collaborations with poets (which average one per album) and the tendency to use military snare sounds a lot.

I've got about a dozen of the albums ; the earlier ones are very much of the late 80's industrial sound a la F242, FLA etc, and are quite dull and repetitive and boring. In a clangy way. But then they refined into the orchestral ambient sound.

I just find them a breath of fresh air and unique. I Can listen to them endlessly and they still amaze me...

And still no bugger but me has ever heard of them...have you?

Graham

Oh, I'm with Michelle on href="http://www.thisislondon.co.uk/showbiz/articles/21746614?source=Evening%20Standard"> this madonna, simply because you are famous does not mean you are immune from paying bills and taxes just like everyone else is....the phrase stuck up self-important bitch springs to mind, but for some reason, when people say 'isn't she looking good for 47?' I feel compelled to mention to remind them of a dead kennedys album called 'plastic surgery disaster'....

According to skruff, the best way to avoid getting mugged in london is by dressing down, which led to one interpretion of the official advice to dress scruffily on the way to and from work to "The look you're going for is the penniless student." (as a City of London office worker said in the evening Standard). This may explain my immunity from muggers in London, as I find this a very easy look to obtain, but having been attacked twice, my radar is fairly attuned to such things I think.

And I've discovered a radio station I actually Like - the BBC. Specifically the world service. If I want to listen to documentaries on the Philllipines revolution of 1986 at 2 o'clock in the morning whilst cleaning the fridge, I cant recommend any other radio station to listen to. The same place is where I heard about the faintly ludicrous 'anti-teenage sonic weapon' being used outside places like chip shops where they gather, which emits a sound at a certain high pitched frequency. Apparently adults don't hear it, but the demonstration on the radio sounds like high pitched tinnitus at about 80db (which is odd for a tone of 16khz). As one 19 year listener emailed the world service with 'it hurts. it hurts. switch it off', given that they broadcast it throughout the entire interview, Wonders never cease.

oh, I'm busy 19th August this year.

Since the advent of the downloadable single, 52% of ALL singles sold now are downloads. AND Only 0.1% of albums are purchased as downloads. Who Said the single was dead eh? it seems to be quite healthy, albeit not in the physical sense. People still love music, still buy music...and still buy individual tracks.

And in other news, I was in bed for half twelve yesterday. i was feeling a bit tired, and nursing the wounds of a job rejection letter. I got another job rejection letter today (different job, same company), and I must say that I really, really hate getting job rejection letters. Especially for jobs where I know I'm vastly overqualified for the post of 'office lackey', where even one of the staff at the company (albeit not one involved in the selection process,) says I could do it with my eyes closed and would bore the shit out of me.

Balls.

Anyway, i've question for you all, and Im very curious about the answers...

i)Are you ALL too shy to comment?
ii)how did you find my blog?

Anyway, I'm displeased at this Daily Mail headline becoming true with a rise in fuel prices ...

G x

It's my fourth wedding anniversary today. Apparently its the 'Flowers and Fruit' anniversary, (the 1st being paper, the 25th being Silver, the 50th anniversary being Gold and so forth). One of the themes for gifts for this anniversary is books, in which case I've got a great book to give to my wife called 'If Divorce is the only way'. (This isn't ironic. I actually own a copy of this.Usual hackneyed plot by a bitter bloke though - they split, she tries to keep everything, he fights her. Typical eh?)

In fact, four years on to the very hour of the moment I got married I was eating toast (with chocolate spread). I known which one of the two I much preferred, and I I'm fairly certain it was the toast.

Four years. Four homes. Two jobs. One arrest. One split. One child. One mental breakdown.

Not a good tally really. Wouldn't wish it on anyone. (Not my marriage anyway, and the nasty split).

Anyway, 'Underworld:Evolution' was dumb, loud, violent, gory, fun. Completely preposterously over the top hyperviolence with vampiric vixens in leather catsuits, CGI monsters fighting each other, lots of russians and machineguns and even more astonishingly, the exceptionally talented thespian Derek Jacobi slumming it for a paycheck as a renegade third faction in the centures long vampire-Werewolf-Human war. So who cares if some brothers 8 centuries ago had a little spat eh? Tsk. It's not real, people. But it is an excuse for lots of effects and decpaitations and blood.Especially blood. And that sex scene...wow. I never knew naked women had neither breasts nor pubic hair, just formless, moulded plastic bodies like Ken and Barbie dolls. tsk tsk. Well, Just goes to show eh? Blood and gore and violence guns are ok, but naked bodies and pubes are forbidden under the American ratings sytem.And you wonder why they have such an obsession with automatic firearms, you really do.

Oddly that my ironic mention of the movie using songs by Tangerine Dream (as a dig at their ubiqtious soundtrack work which paid off for their $1.5 million dollar studio in the eighties) turned out to be true - ; Paul haslinger (who joined TD in 1988) is on the soundtrack, and I was just guesing. Crazy. But Even funnier is the fact that the favourites list on this PC is a library deepest, rural birmingham miles from the nearest driveby shooting includes such artises as Buju Banton and Dr Dre in its list. Hmmm. The true Urban sound of Quinton eh?

Oh, and how the hell can one make the movie of 'Miami Vice' with an irishman in the main role...and without jan hammer's music? . I must say, I'm very disappointed with that; but knowing how good Michael Mann can be, I'm still hopeful.

Anyway, how are you lot?

G x

Everyone who has ever read a tabloid should read this .

Mainly becuase hysterical mobwhipping by tabloids eager to sell papers and to be seen to be righteous end up encouraging people to break some laws (whilst enforcing others to be created) , encouraging them to perform acts of mob justice....and because there's no shortage of dumb people out there who can't tell the difference between a paeditrician and a paedophile. Similarly, there appears to be no shortage of people willing to harass others because they are too stupid to look up words in a dictionary.

The harassment and persecution of others is not something I find justifiable; and even less so when their persecuters and vandals are too stupid, thoughtless and idiotic to be even bothered to even wonder if the person they are hounding is in fatc guilty, or even accussed...or even anything but a victim of the attackers stupidity?

Can you imagine what it's like to come home to find this daubed on your home because of someone else's ignorance? *


*Anyone reading into subtext for this should be aware it's not happened to me, but I am aware of the perils of being wrongly accused of something you haven't done, as happened two years ago in my marital split. And to be wrongly accused because of a articificially induced tabloid frenzy of righteous indignation by people who complain about dole mothers costing the state money whilst they earn in a year what these alleged 'doleys' wouldnt get if they lived to be 300 just shows the rank hypocrisy of the tabloid press. And Is it any wonder I don't the tabloids?

Now, Shamelessly stolen from the mighty chig , are the ten best reasons to be single i've ever read. I mut confess all of them are VERY GOOD reasons, but especially number five.

Sadly, though, last nights trip to Asda (Where I bought a lot of pasta and pasta sauces, chopped tomatoes, some squash and the usual array of stationary products - I think i have a fetish for stationary products.....) I did not spot these there, but I wish I could have found them. Bless, its cheaper than a text message....And it appears I'm not alone in my rather scroogesque opinion of Valentines Day, because according the same page on the BBC "Out of every 20 women, 19 prefer small gestures throughout the year to a Valentine's Day gift, it indicates. ". See, Valentines Day is just a sham invented by greetings car companies. (FACT).



Now If only Tesco's would follow this example, because we all know that the Tesco value' range has a better catchet of post-modern irony that the Asda Smartprice range, so much so that I was even thinking of renaming this blog to 'Tesco Value Life' once for about fifteen seconds, given my penchant for shopping there. Alas, if I ever make a reference to the five blue and white stripes of quality in a conversation, you know exactly what I mean.

Anyway, for those of you who loved Alien Vs. Predator, here comes the next best thing for you lovers of Sight impaired winged nocturnal mammals with a penchant for vengeance.... Batman Vs. Bin laden..

As Frank Miller says - "Superman punched out Hitler. So did Captain America. That's one of the things they're there for". To which I have to ask...really? Or is it just one of these...

Been doing some reviews, and updating the site.

Terence Malik's brilliant and haunting The New World - which is quite possibly the best film I've seen ina long time, certainly since Solaris, Sam Mende's gulf-war drama Jarhead and the rather odd post-modern wierdness of A Cock And Bull Story .

Must type quietly. Becca is sleeping a few feet away.

I don't do valentines day.

The endless emotional bombardment, the expectations of more and more lavish presents and token gestures, the empty commercialism, the emotional blackmail of getting cards and all that stuff - and thats not even tacky, bawdy, gaudy cards .......I don't do that.

Isn't it enough for someone to know you love them?* The words 'I love you' are the most powerful in the world, really. People have thrown their lives away in marriages, had children and brought life into this world, bought houses and planned growing old with people, for these words.... and much much less. So maybe I am a hopeless romantic, but I'm not the only one: There is a reason why today is the 16th Anniversary of me losing my virginity. Well, Not so much lost as misplaced, I think; and in two days it's my fourth wedding anniversary. What do you call that? I call it a disaster, but at the time, i called it love.

Yes, I married for those words. For the happiness I had felt, and the fact I felt that as i was this happy, I didn't want to carry on looking....especially looking for something I already had found.Sure, i could have found someone prettier, smaller, high earning, someone higher up in Slattery's scale of percentiles (see The 25th Hour (either the book by David benioff which i'm currently reading or the film)) - but I had found someone I loved, who loved me, and we wanted to be together, and that was that. I didn't know it was all going to fall apart, but then again, who does? We never do.

So the last Valentines day I had with her was pretty terrible actually. She complained at the money I spent, the tacky cards and unreal roses (well, what was I supposed to do - flowers will only die, so I didnt get real flowers), and the fact that the year before my grand romantic plan involved taking her to a greasy spoon chipshop probably didn't help . Either way, The worst thing was this - what did she want? Could I have ever been good enough? Probably Not. But it's history now, and thats all there is to it. I married with the best of intentions, but I shouldn't have done, and soon i will be in the ranks of the divorced; presumably to trawl singles bars and over 30's nights at the local pub where they'll bland MOR records while I run away from lecherous grandmothers intersted in someone who still at least one of their own teeth, and Bonnie Tyler's 'Holding out for a Zero' blares out of the shitty speakers.

But There's someone I really care about, someone I miss, someone I'm not with and someone I want to be with. I don't know if we're right for each other, but you never do if you don't try and find out. They know who they are. They certainly made me smile when they sent me a text message at 4 minutes past midnight (aha, the letter post of the modern generation).And given that they asked for my address on the phone the other day, I really should have put two and two together. *duh*

In the meantime, there's lots of other people I certainly like, like a lot, but they'll never be second best to anyone If I'm with them. After all, a bit of unrequited, unfulfilled love gives us romantic yearning, and if, 'the only pain is to feel nothing at all' ((c) Bono, 2004), then dammit Jim, my pain makes me what I am! ((c) Dr. leonard McCoy, Star Trek V). Or at very least, The fact I have feelings for people is nothing more than proof I've got a pulse and that Life isn't just a clock ticking to its end.

Love. it's a wonderful thing. Now, where can I buy some? Freecycle doesn't seem to have a great supply, and they might frown on 'WANTED:girlfriend' posts. In the meantime, I'm single, proably will be a while, and you know what? I don't mind it. I don't get on anyone else's nerves but my own. I've always seen that you need to find yourself before you find someone else, and I still stick by it. I'd rather be single than with someone for the sake of it, because thats the worst thing you do - be with someone just for the sake of it, not feeling for them, just using them for sex and filling up the time. I'd rather be with someone, that special someone and not just anyone, someone I love and care about, someone I cherish and want to be with ; someone for whom it's not about the biggest gestures and tacky cards and expensive presents.

Someone for whom the words 'I love you' are enough. Because at the end of it all, thats all that matters. Nothing else.




(*Or at very least, lust after them. There's lots of people I lust after. And you know you feel the same....well, probably)

And today, I got a lot done. I moved boxes. 12 boxes. 12 heavy boxes ; 3 feet long, a foot and a half high, and a foot and a half wide, each weighted up to 30kgs (62 lbs), and ALL full of books. Hundreds of books. Probably about a thousand. From Dom DeLilio to Carol Adams 'Sexual Politics of Meat', from Shatners 'Star Trek movie memories' to 'the Global Takeover' by Noreena Hertz, from Douglas Adams to Robert antons Wilsons 'Schrodingers cat Trilogy'.

So, all in all, a lot of books. Especially as most of the boxes seem to have their handles break under the weight or try to collapse under the weight, so ll in all, yes, a lot of books. Took me a whole, but I moved them into the shed (Not so much a shed as an storage room that is - being brick on all four sides - part of the flat structurally, and as such not so much a shed as part of the flat but one only accessible from the exterior of the flat). Yes, My back doesn't seem to like me much today.

And after that I walked to the library, which is where I am at the moment, and am crunching up data on the pc at home.

And my heart bleeds for Robbie Williams, it really does. i wish I had his problems . Dammit, does he want to swap his lifestyle of endless millions, perfect teeth, sexual fulfilment and penthouse apartments for mine? I think my self-pity and whinging might have slighlty more basis in reality than his, but Only slightly mind you.Now, if only I cOuld find my copy of Limp Bizkit's 'three Dollar Bill y'all?', and too could pretend to eb a rockin' daddy who 'knows your pain more than your parents ever will' ((c) Volume,2001)

Take care y'all. xxx

When I said ouchtime about the dentists, I wasn't wrong. After four (!) x-rays - and there's something oddly post ironic about getting x-rayed whilst listening to The Prodigy getting pumped out of the stereo - The verdict was the following.

Now, its never good when they say first ;

Q:"So, Young Man*, On a scale of one to ten, how nervous are you about goimg to the dentist?"

A:"It only goes up to ten?"

Ok, so the verdict is; 6 fillings, and extraction and trying to save an existingly broken tooth with a crown. Which means two options - sedation and a big long drilling session which will lasrt hours, followed by a taxi home (under health and safety laws, i'm not allowed to exit the practice without supervision, because of the power of the sedatives) or...referral to the dental hospital. I'm leaning towards the latter.

Me:"Well, I did say I'd be coming back".

* I never trust people who don't know me issuing compliments.they're normally buttering me up for bad news or imminent disaster, or something...

As I said, ouchtime.

Sunrise and Sunset times
We are currently experiencing technical problems with our sunrise and sunset times. We have removed these from our five day forecasts until we have fixed this problem.

So, the BBC cancels sunrise and sunset, and the world still hasn't plunged into permanent darkness. is it a conspiracy?

My plan for today involved getting up early, and an early start, and getting a few things done. The fact that I was still fielding phone calls at 5.25AM, followed by still being wide awake at seven, meant my plan for an early start were delayed.

The late night phone call was from someone very dear to me, though I was a little bit taken back by their assertion that I couldn't be a feminist because I was bloke. That's like saying I can't be any good at cooking, because its a womans job isn't it? Oh well. It was an interesting phone call.

So I woke up mid-afternoon (I'd been going to bed just as I had originally be hoping to get up). It was the best sort of waking up - not too cold outside, and I dreamt about sex. Yes, very rare, but it does happen (dreaming about sex I mean, not actually doing it; doing it is even rarer), and the last time I remember that happening was erm...1996? I realised that due to shop closing times none of the things I needed to do I actually could. So instead..It's off to the library.

I have lots to blog about and not enough time. I plan on writing it at home and uploading it somewhere, at someones house. *hope*. I've enough time there.

And my hand still hurts like a bitch. Big chunks of skin missing.Ouchtime, says Jar jar.

My right hand looks like that of an old man;s. I reckon by rights, it looks like it should be on a dripfeed vbeing lugged around a hospital ward. On it i have two small plasters, which are clear with white padding on them, about an inch apart and yet overlapping. Under the white padding is a vague pink sort of colour - thats the colour blood looks like when it hits the surgical gauze.

Damn, it did hurt. I was carrying two large boxes (each is weighted to carry up to 30kg by the way) through Northfield , waiting for a bus, when I ducked into a shop because i)It was right next to the bus station and ii)It was wearmer than being outside. But my hand caught one of the counters as i went in, scrape,d and I thought ' Thats gonna hurt ', which it did.

Ouch. And thats why my right hand looks about 25 years than the rest of me.

But Then i saw Becca. i didn't want to leave. When I went upstairs just before leaving, she was looing around for me, because she couldn't see me, wondering where I had gone. I had made her gigle and laugh and smile by talking to her in silly voices, stroking her hair, and playing with her, and having a truly great time. I didn't want to leave because, I wanted to see what amazing stuff she would do next.Probably look sulky but adorable, smile and giggle, and then try to take my glasses off with her tiny fingers, before resting on my chest. I've never felt like that before. But I feel like though it took me a long time to get used to it, and though you can never really prepare to be a parent, I wouldn't change it for the world, not in the slightest. I took some time growing into it, and now Its something I would never change.

Oh, and the picture below? I can;t believe I made such a beautiful thing. I also can;t believe she stayed still long enough for i)Me to take a picture or that ii)I even managed to do a picture in focus neither. Crazy biscuits man, crazy biscuits.

Well, I came back and cooked and I've got a letter to write. So its away from the library and back tomorrow. Oh, and one other thing. Tomorrow, I'm probably going to write a review of a book I'm reading, because any book that contains the line 'My iPOd is my hotline to God' written in earnest seriousness, juust can't be taken seriously. I have endless images of Belloq saying 'this is a transmitter...to GOD! Would you rather open your ark in berlin, in front of the fuhrer, only then to discover if it is the one TRUE ark?' whilst a fly crawls into his mouth, or something.

Trilogies? they rock. But as someone once said, the only good movies are ones with numbers in the titles...if they were so bad, why keep on making 'em?

laters x

On the way to see my daughter, I've passed the library, so here I am. Not much done, except I've been to see the nurse at the doctors and had a brief check up. I'm slightly overweight, but it's roughly stablised compared to last time, though eleven years ago (At 21) I weighed 55 lbs less; since then, I grew a lot sideways in about five years. back in 99 I could still fit into a 32" pair of trousers, though now I just find a 36" a snug fit (as compared to two-three years ago, when a 38" was the norm). So aside from getting home from the library and staying up doing stuff, there's nothign to report.

Except that getting up at nine o'clock on a morning is just evil AND wrong.

Much brewing in my head, but there's someone small I want to see, and I don't want to let them down. Anyway, here's a cartoon

48 Residences. 39 were houses, and the other 9 Flats (or apartments).

I only lived in ten of them.

On the bus the other day (and with a note pad in hand), I worked out a few statistics.

48 Residences. Approximately 8 Hotels. From Cornwall to Scotland via Leicestershire and Gloucestershire and Nottinghamshire and the West Midlands and london; via a toilet in a Macdonalds, Alleyways, Public Parks, a train, and a National Express coach (which was particularly adventurous, not to mention bloody stupid).From being a naive 16 year old to a weary 32 year old. From being a Virgin to being a father.

The oldest of them was six months older than me at the time (ie 17,when I was 16); but in reality, the answer is 32; and the youngest was 17, like I was at the time too. It was a long time ago.

'Do you remember the first time?'

In about a week, comes the 16th anniversary.I just remember being thankful it was over afterwards. At least I won't die a virgin, I thought, in true Adrian mole style. And then I wondered if people would look at me differently...would they know? Could they tell i was now a 'man of the world'?, as My art teacher once referred to things as when he discovered me smuggling pornography into school in the sleeves of records from Central Library in town. (It was the soundtrack to Platoon, incidentally; and I refused his request to turn it over to him. The sixth former I had borrowed it from would have been displeased, to say the least).

I won't name names, but it's certainly been...interesting. And eventful. And a bit odd, when you think of it. When I think of 48 houses. I can picture them all, in my head, the layout of each of them, even If I can;t even remember the names of the streets I was on. But I remember the names of the people, and the smell and shape of them, and it just reminds me...it's how I got to where I am today. Via some strange and occasionally emotional experiences. (Yes, Girlfriend, the one who would run off the Wales for weekends in tents with other men, I do mean you. There's a reason why You're an ex, thank god). Even if I don't like me much, somebody does, or has, in the past, and that sure is wierd.

By the way, I'm single. I don't expect a Valentines' card,somehow. well, maybe one from bill. gas Bill. (It's an old joke, but i have to that the fat slags in Viz for it); and that does show our age doesn't it?)

1. First blog you ever read?

I can't remember. it might have been Giorgia's, now lost to the annals of history. I remember I started one in 2002, and it was rubbish. Total rubbish. Then I started one in 2004, after the split with ex-wife, and I passed on the address to mark and some others. Then it sort of superseded the previous mailing list I had (the Cult OF Graham), which was named after the 'CultOfRichey', where obsessive Manic Street PReachers fans would end up spouting whatever rubbish they thought of the long-deceased guitarist who had become an icon for the unthinkign glitterati. Now the CoG, as it was called, has gone into the archives of history
(ie deleted by yahoo for inactivity)

2. What inspired you to start your own?
personal Exorcism.

3.The best and worst about blogging?

Best - the ability to spout meaingless sh1te to a willing audience.The ability to get it out of the system, whatever it is.

Worst - knowing that whatever I write here out of honesty will often be used against me and turned to words of poison by others pushing their own moral correctitude as the ONLY valid way for anyone EVER, who then accuse me of spawning 'dole bastards' as children. It's either that or the fear that some who read this blog do so out of spite, or pity, or schaudenfreude, or wishing to use it against me. I can think of at least two people who do that, and they can both go to hell.Neither of them were particularly attractive naked, either.

4. Who was the first person to comment on your blog?
Can't remember. Probably mark.Knowing him, he was telling me off.

5. What has been your most popular blog entry?
Never ever worked it out - never done anything like that in terms of hits. Unless you count the ones that asked an awful lot of questions about the New orleans disaster? Though there was one last February that got 16 comments.

6. If I re-named my blog I would call it?
I've just done it recently - named after aq fictional tube station in a suede music video. I often think of renaming it on a daily basis, normally when a phrase pops into my head for no real reason.

7. If my blog had a theme song it would be?
Loud.

8. If my blog was a room it would look like?
spiky, paranoid, untidy, rambling, and in need of a good tidy, whilst doing the washing up. And with terrible spelling.

9. Five bloggers I would like to have over for dinner?
Only If I could invite TWENTYfive, not just five.

10. Two bloggers you would like to set up on a blind date?
Me and erm....any offers?

11. Somebody I wish had a blog?
Noam Chomsky. Pilger. Monbiot. Etc.

12. If you were only allowed to read one blog ever again. Which blog would it be?
NEVER!

13. Is there a fellow blogger you would like to snog/shag/do rude things to? Feel free to name names if you’re game.
probably. Yes, definitely then ; after all, i don't just deliberately read the blogs of the unattractive. But I ain't saying, there's some decorum involved.

14. Discover a blog. Link to a blog that you have recently found, or a blog you have been reading for a while and haven't blogrolled.
I don't blog roll, sadly out of the paranoia which means I'm putting my name out there. I'm not really reading new ones either...But Lia, yes, i do read yours.


And Whilst I don't agree with the conservatives, I do agree with this ...

I would blog, but if i don't leave the library THIS VERY SECOND I've got a long walk home. And I don;t want that.

Saw becca last night. Put her to bed, the beauitful thing.

This is the first picture I ever took of her.



And this is her just last week.



They always grow up so quick.

Now, this is a bit fishy to me


Guy at a muslim portest apparently dresses up as a suicide bomber. Well, he's a bloody idiot. Yes, it insenstiive, tactless and thoughtless, since when did wearing a certains et of clothes become an arrestable offense? It's not liek they contain any obscene language on them ('Jesus is a C**T' is the notable example of an arrestable t-shirt), but here there's no offensive language involved at all. So how exactly did he break the law dressed like this, eh?



Apparently,. beign arrested for a Breahc of the peace AFTER the event (not during) is a bit odd to me. Now, if he didn't have a sentence for dealing heroin thats a different matter, but put the two together and well, that's a bit odd. I'm not excusing what he did; insensitive, tactless, thoughtless and bloody stupid - but I can;t find any reference to a conviction which means he's been pout back inside. just arrested, and not even convicted, before he's banged up again. Still , He is a daft twat for dealing heroin, and that's indisputable.

But is it really against the law to wear a white t-shirt and some camo pants? jeez, I'd expect a lot of paintballers to be arrested if thats the case. Not only is he stupid, but so is the law in this case.

Flame me, if oyu like. has the law gone too far? yes, I think it has.

ugh.

I needed to go to the doctors today. They didn't have any morning appointments available when I rang at 8.30am. Given that they also release evening appointments at midday, when I turn up at ten past twelve they didn't have any then either. Useless. Bloody useless. Sadly, though, the text message saying 'wake up!' didn't wake me up, because I have my phone on buzz rather than beeping when a message comes through.Not that it seemed to make much difference, given how difficult it is to see a bloody doctor!

Grr.

However, goign to bed at 4AM (because I wasn't tired until then) didn't help my plans to get food this morning, and as I have to go into town and get some food anyway, That'll be a two hour round trip, I wager, from now, so chances are I won't be finished until about 3.30pm - Just when my bus pass runs out. was supposed to see Becca today. Might be a squeeze, or I might do it tomorrow instead. Just don't know yet.

Won't be in the library long, had made a reservation to pick up a couple of books (Sideways by Rex Pickett, 25th Hour by David Benioff) from a local library and decided to hop on the PC whilst I am at it.Now off to run around like a headless chicken.

yes, nic I'll bring your CDs back in a couple of days. Sorry Sarah, you probably won't see Becca just yet.

More news later, but probably not later today.

By the way, if trying to sleep, it's best not to get into bed with a glow in the dark t-shirt.No, Really; it doesn't help...

I've had a crap few days. it ain't getting much better. My back hurts (partly because of helping move furniture on Thursday), and I'm in constant pain, combatted by industrial strength prescription painkillers (Co-Dydramol). And I can't get a doctors appointment til tuesday, because i need painkillers, anitbiotics and the uppers*. So Whilst my medical issues aren't that exciting, They sure are a little worrying. Because I'm trying to find a dentist, and rather urgently. Because one of my teeth came out on Saturday, and that was quite painful, not to mention exposing the nerve endings and stuff to possible infection. I'm such a cheery soul, but I've no idea how long I will have to wait once I do find a dentist accepting NHS patients.

I blame the Tesco value milk chocolate eclairs, myself. It ain't a pretty sight and looking at it, the tooth was pretty much beyond salvation anyway. I've only ever had two fillings - and one of them was in that tooth anyway, so Now I'm just a gappy toothed monster. (No, Not Shane McGowan!). In fact, if I didn't tell you about it, you probably wouldn't notice anyway, but it sure stings a bit, and I was a bit upset by it all, not to mention annoyed at myself.

Kids, look after your teeth, or you too can look like me, *ahem*.

I'm probably making it sound much worse than it really is, though.It's just annoying.

Anyway, not much other news going on. becca has my hairline and my forehead and even started pulling some of the faces I occasionally pull, poor thing. I wouldn't wish my receded male pattern baldness hairline on anyone, especially not a girl. natch. But she is utterly adorable and got some great pictures of her on Friday. Should be seeing her again soon.

And my mouth hurts. (See above). And I'm wondering how exactly I should start planning my own funeral, and I've got the music all planned out. And the 25th hour, by the way, gets much better on second viewing...Though the writers commentary is so quiet on the DVD that even with everythign turned up to maximum I still can;t hear more than 10 feet away, and thats with the heating off.




*The homemade prozac wasn't working very well, by the way.

So, when attempting to respond to email in my usual email address I get a "Sorry, Unable to process request at this time -- error 999.Unfortunately we are unable to process your request at this time. This error is usually temporary. Please try again later. ", I've had to use a backup free webmail account.It's not hotmail, or nme. Any guesses? You might be surprised.

Anyway, I've just been following the state of the union posts on the Lithaborn and Fear and Loafing blogs. Interesting stuff.

And anyone with any sense of history or intelligence might find an awful lot to correct in the Bush speech.

Not much else to report today. Saw Becca yesterday. She is truly wonderful, had a great time with her. She's growing up and got a couple of great pics. But she won't be this small forever, so cherish it while you can. Because last night I was flicking through something, and it made me weep a little bit. (So with a little bit of adaptation...)

'There are times when I would give almost anything for the days when i could make her happy...just by lifting her over my head.'



(the image is a big clue really, as to who said it. I'm not a trekker, honest. I'm a trekkie . Tsk.)

So lets get this right - does Lee tamahori, director of XxX2 and Die Another Day, like dressing up as a woman and hiring male prostitutes for sex?

"Former James Bond movie-maker Lee Tamahori was arraigned in Los Angeles yesterday after allegedly soliciting an undercover cop, while dressed as a woman. The Die Another Day director, 55, was arrested in Hollywood last month, after he approached an undercover police officer who was in his car, entered the vehicle and offered to perform a sex act for money, according to entertainment news site Tmz.com. Tamahori was arrested, booked and charged with prostitution and unlawfully loitering with the intent to commit prostitution. The director is being represented in court by Michael Jackson's former defence lawyer Mark Geragos. "

All very unplesant, if you ask me.

Oh, and whats this? it's Final Destination (3) ...on a rollercoaster!.A Horror movie about a killer roller coaster? Sounds like schlocky fun to me. I think Giles will want to see it. (By the way, the Rollercoaster it was filmed at was at PlaylandAmusement park, In Vancouver, Canada). its not the most spectacular coaster in the world, but it could be interesting...

Lonely Town

Graham and I don't always see eye to eye, but having followed his life now for such a long time I still care. He lives in Birmingham and has just gotten back on his feet after having been shat all over by his ex-wife. He battles with life a fair bit and sometimes the Black Dog wont leave him be. I look forward to the day that he is happy"

Thanks Di. You don't know how much that means to me. I know we don't always see eye to eye, but thank you anyway.

(And I've already earmarked a space on my wall for one of your wonderful paintings, should you ever think I deserve one!)

*happy*

I got up too early. it was dark outside when the phone rang, and so cold the breath turned icy in front of me. It's about minus 2 today. On top of that, My stomach was telling me I wasn't very well and that it didn't like me, beign that it was constantly in a state of downheaval.So I helped move some furniture, and Now that task for the day is all done. Wasn't sure how long it would take, but tomorrow is free.

Giles came over last night, on his way back from Ikea, and decided to see Jarhead, which really is Gulf Metal Jacket. Damn good, not like any war film i've seen before; calm, controlled, brutal and raw, full of ocnflicting feelings and emotions but it leaves you feeling vaguely empty afterwards. Not about the film - the film is technically brilliant, beautifully photographed and excellently done; but about the whole experience of war itself. As Buffalo Soldiers says, 'War is Hell. peace is f*cking boring' , and this shows both war and peace are just different forms of tedium. Filled with flashes of insight and dark dark humour (ever been dumped by videotape before?), not to mention a hilarious scene of Apocalypse Now in the middle, it's a brilliantly observed piece of Sam Mendes equalling his previous work (better than American beauty, not as good as Road to Perdition). And peter Skaarsgaard (as Troy), is brilliant. It's not a movie, it's cinema, and there's a big difference. And even more than that, it's got 287 mentions of the work 'fuck'.



Welcome to the Suck.

P.S. And it's goodbye from Smash Hits . Bon nuit.

I'm in the library. I'm not looking forward to tomorrow.

its the very depths of winter and I don't feel very well - just rundown and a bit miserable, and there's a black cloud hanging over me that just doesn't seem to go away. And that's what its like most days. January has been and gone, and it doesn't feel like I've got anything done, except rowing and that least I'm not sleeping in a chair anymore.But the days are getting longer, it's not dark so early anymore, and thats a good thing which cheers me up slightly. it being dark by half four really does depress the hell out of me.

So some good, some bad, it's just a case of being one of those days....

And is it just me that thinks April Fools Day has come early? How will all those SUV's get around if the US is planning to cut it's oil importation by 75% between now as 2025, as mr. Bush has stated in his most recent speech? . the fact of course, that by the year 2025, peak oil will have been achieved, crude will be rocketing up in the price as production plummets to almost zero when the oilfields run dry and the world's oil based economy will be shuddering on the verge of potential collapse is, of course, merely coincidental. Maybe by then 'Operation melt the Icebergs' will have been cancelled, courtesy of global warming....That it will have been replaced by Operation 'Flood New orleans York!' Will be just a technicality.

And on a lighter news, here's oTom with the Weather...